Shooting Stars
by gabel
Summary: What if Alice hadn’t been there that day? What if she hadn’t come back and Jake and Bella kissed in the car? This FanFic begins the night after the movie and what would have happened IF Alice hadn’t come and Bella and Jacob kissed.
1. From the Outside Looking In

What if Alice hadn't been there that day

What if Alice hadn't been there that day? What if she hadn't come back and Jake and Bella kissed…This FanFic begins the night after the movie and what would have happened IF Alice hadn't come and Bella and Jacob kissed. (I DON"T OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS)

I looked deep into Jakes eyes, this was it. I heard the velvet voice but it wasn't in my head just in my heart. I knew I'd never get over Edward but he wasn't coming back right? I knew it was unfair to be with Jacob if I was still in love with someone else but time would heal the hole that was so big I barely felt human. Jake leaned in and I closed my eyes. Edwards face was in my mind but I pushed him out allowing Jacobs warm lips touch mine. They were soft kisses at first and I didn't move.

He pulled away assessing my face. "Bella?" I felt his warm breath and it was impossible to look away from his pleading eyes he was so close to me. I only had to lean forward and an inch to connect with him and when I did, for a second it felt almost—right…He jumped into the kiss as soon as I kissed him back. His hand wrapped behind my neck, had his hands always been this hot? I wasn't sure if I was supposed to move yet, I was uncomfortably placed against the car door. My decision was made for me when the porch light turned on. We immediately broke apart and looked up; Charlie was staring out the window towards our car. "Oh shit!" Jacob leaped off of me and I flew from the car. I walked in the door and I even tried to make a run for my bedroom, my safe place. "Hey Bella!" Charlie seemed elated. I frowned, why was he so happy? "Hey dad…" I muttered.

"Have a good time?"

"Yes." I answered curtly.

"Ok, night kiddo!" and with that he turned back to the TV to watch the end of the game. I stared where he had been standing in awe. Charlie,_ my _dad just saw me making out—in a car—with a _boy_! He wasn't even angry or upset or disappointed. In fact, I hadn't seen him this happy in a long time. Did he like Jacob _that _much? He still was a police officer… and a dad, I mean no father wanted to see their daughter with a boy. I couldn't believe it.

I hung up my jacket and went the rest of the way upstairs to my room. As I changed into my holey pjs no longer needing a nice pair I sat on my floor with my eyes closed. I didn't usually sit on my floor but I didn't want to fall asleep. I wanted to think. I had just done something that I couldn't forget, I'd just opened the door to a new relationship and closed the door, or rather window to Edward. Was it over? I didn't know what to believe. I walked over to the window and for the first night in a while, I locked it shut.

I took a deep breath and walked over to my bed pulling back the covers. My head was too full and I had trouble falling asleep. Fifteen minutes later I heard noises from outside my window. Edward. My first thought but I made myself dismiss it as soon as I'd thought about it. He's gone, gone forever. I curled into my blankets hoping it was an animal. _Bang, Bang._ I sat upright in my bed and looked toward my window. Something was hitting it.


	2. A Loud Sleeper

I was terrified

I was terrified. To nervous to look over the edge of my bed let alone walk over to the window. I heard a murmur from outside, a familiar deep throaty voice. _Jacob_. I walked over and peered down, it was only blackness. What if it was somehow Edward? What would happen then? Could he have possibly seen me and Jacob? My breathing got heavier and I ripped open the window. "FINALLY!" I could hear the smile, the smile I loved in Jacob's voice. "What are you doing you idiot!?" I snapped down to him.

"Bella—I—well—there's--,"

"Just spit it out!" I snarled. I was tired and grumpy and was in no mood to argue.

"What's happened?"

"Nothing?"

"Oh…" It was then that I realized he was talking about the kiss, not why I was mad now.

"Oh Jake! Not that! I—well, I don't know…" I mumbled. I didn't know, all the thinking hadn't done me any good and now having Jake here just made everything worse. I saw him down there and a silence lapsed over us. I then did something that I wouldn't usually have done, "Jake, come up, we'll talk in here." I could see Jake's smile through the darkness and it made me smile as well. Smiling was so much easier now. I watched as Jake began to crawl up the tree and I had to bite my cheeks to stop from laughing. He was so lanky it made me laugh. When he finally managed to get into the room he scrambled to his feet and I looked at him as he towered over me.

We were silent as we looked at each other. He slowly moved closer to me and our fingers touched slightly. Every time they connected I felt a heat wave flow through my body. It was so different touching Jacob then Edward. Nothing but our fingers sort of being intertwined happened for a really long time. It should've been awkward but it wasn't. We heard movement and a groan from the next room and we froze. Jacob booked it to my closet and jumped it. I had to laugh out loud which made Charlie move even more. "JAKE! You moron! My dad is a really loud sleeper it's nothing!" I giggled as he unraveled himself from my clothes and a dirty sock clung to his head.

Jake started to chuckle quietly to himself. "So--,"

"Come here, just sit down." I led him to my bed and we sat down opposite each other. We waited for the other to speak. "Jake—these past months have been impossible and you have helped me through this so much. You—Jake you mean a _lot _to me." I said it slowly and carefully making sure I chose the right words. Jake smiled, "Bella you have no idea, actually, you probably do know, but I've wanted to do that since the day I met you." I felt myself blush and I was so flattered that he thought that. I was still staring at the floor blushing when he bent down and his lips found mine. This time I wanted to kiss him, I knew I wanted to kiss him and it felt so good to feel this loved. This time I knew where to put my hands and we slowly fell onto the bed. When we stopped to come up for air I felt different. Jacob was already ready for more. Edward would have to back away; I had to push Jacob off, not the other way around. Was this how it was always supposed to be? We heard another groan and this time we heard shuffling. "Loud sleeper?" Jake asked hopefully.

"GET IN THE CLOSET!" I hissed. I flew under the covers and Jake flew into the closet, quietly thankfully. The door opened a few seconds later and Charlie peered in. He laughed to himself and then closed the door shaking his head. Bella listened for him while he went to the bathroom and then back to his room. "Jake, I think you have to go," she said sadly.

"Alright." He said shoulders slumped. He leant in and pecked her on the cheek. He then ducked out the window and she watched as his black shadow disappeared. She heard a car start up far in the distance and she smiled to herself. It had been a good day.

(PLEASE REVIEW!! And don't be afraid to be mean!! And if anyone thinks how it's going to end just message me! K COOL!!)


	3. Please Don't Take My Sunshine Away

The next morning sunlight was actually filtering through my window and onto my bed

(Sorry about the end of last chapter when I started writing 3rd person! My bad won't happen again!! Thanks to Curio Sity Love for noticing!  )

The next morning sunlight was actually filtering through my window and onto my bed. I jumped out of bed and threw on a sweater over my t-shirt and went downstairs. Charlie was sitting at the table eating cereal. "Hey dad!" I said brightly.

"Hi," he mumbled. I figured he was distracted from the newspaper but when I looked nothing was even there. "Dad? You okay?" I asked carefully. I grabbed the cereal and poured myself a bowl watching his face.

"Bella, last night—well, I let my happiness from your happiness—well…I didn't act like a father."

"I don't understand?" I had no idea what he was talking about. I felt a big lecture coming on though and I wished there was some way to avoid it.

"It's just—well, you've been so—not you lately and I was so happy when you started to hang out with Jake, nice boy he is." I nodded slowly still not understanding where this was going. "And well, it's just that I was happy when I saw you two—you know," Click. It all snapped into place he was going to lecture me about kissing boys. I felt myself turn beat red which made Charlie turn red and we just sat in silence for a bit. "Dad I really--,"

"Bella, I don't want you to get hurt again."

"Whatever Dad it's fine." I started eating the cereal as a distraction even though I was no longer hungry.

"Bella I was happy last night to see you with Jake but after I got a good night sleep I realized that this might not be the right thing for you to do now." I furrowed my brow, he liked Jake but didn't think I should see him but he wanted me to be happy. Sorry what?

"Dad, I'm sorry but I have no idea what you're trying to say, or what I'm supposed to do here?" Charlie chuckled to himself. "I don't know what I'm trying to say here either Bella. I just want you to be careful and safe. I can't see you get hurt again Bella." I could see the hurt in his eyes which made me feel much worse.

"Of course Dad." I answered sincerely.

"Oh and by the way," he said getting up and putting his dishes away, "don't let me catch you kissing a boy like that _again_, got it?" He raised his eyebrow and left to go to the family room. I smiled to myself and threw the rest of cereal out. I might as well be a vampire seeing how I barely eat anyway. I cringed as the memories came back. I struggled to grab the phone, "Hello?"

"Hey Jake, I'm coming over okay?"

"Umm…I don't think that's the best idea."

"What? Are you okay?"

"Yeah it's just, well I'm not—feeling well."

"Oh, yeah of course!" I said lamely trying to sound differently.

"K cool." Jake hung up. I stared into the phone and then hung it up. I was shocked and nervous. How was I supposed to do anything without Jake? Now that we'd gone further then I'd planned how was I supposed to last even a day without being near him. He was addicting, not half as bad as Edward. But I did need them. A lot. Both of them. I was so frustrated with myself. Angry. How could I want them both? Edward was gone, never coming back and with him he took a part of me which for the past weeks I've been trying to fill with Jacob. Was it the right thing to do? I couldn't tell. I knew I had to see Jake soon.

A day turned into two, which turned into three and then into a week. Still no sign of Jacob after numerous phone calls. I hadn't been daring enough to drive there but I knew that if I didn't see him soon I knew I'd turn back into a zombie and I couldn't do that to Charlie. I realized it was time to be dramatic, I had to go to La Push and see him.


	4. Return to Misery

(SO

(SO! You guys better start reviewing or I oughtaaa!! Enjoy the next chapter! P.S I DON"T OWN THESE CHARACTERS)

The house looked lifeless which scared me. I slammed my door extra hard hoping that I'd see some sort of reaction. Nothing. "Hello? Billy! Jake? ANYONE!?" I called loudly. I went to the door and knocked loudly. Once. Twice. Three times. "HELLO!?" I kept knocking in intervals, I had a feeling someone was home, I'd asked Charlie and he'd even said that there had been activity down here, he'd had to come and check on some bonfire activity once during the week. He'd said Jake had been there at the bonfire so I knew they were here. I heard something behind me and I jumped to look. "You shouldn't be here." It was a tall man who scared me. I recognized him as the Uley kid my dad liked. "Uh—who—why are _you _here?"

"I was just leaving, but like I said, you really shouldn't be here." He narrowed his eyes and as he turned to leave towards his car I saw three other boys (men…possibly giants?) follow him. I didn't see Jake so I waited for him to turn the bend, ever so slowly, and then I went right back to knocking on the door. After a few minutes I felt really stupid and annoyed. "JAKE OPEN THE STUPID DOOR! I KNOW--," the door swung open and I almost fell over.

"WHAT!" Jake screamed. I was taken aback and I was close to leaving even though I'd finally managed to get a word from him.

"I—you—why are you yelling at me?" I asked quietly. Jake looked different. His hair was gone and he looked…angry. He'd never been this angry at me, _never_.

"Bella, listen to Sam, you really shouldn't be here."

"But—Jake! What the hell is going on here!? We were—I haven't heard from you in a week! You have a _lot _of explaining to do." I tried to sound angry and bold but I knew it came out helpless and meek.

"Bella, go home. You can't be here and I don't want you to be here. Why can't you even just mind your own business! Jesus Christ you're a pain in the butt! No wonder Edward left you!" When the hole had been torn apart the first time, it had hurt. Now the pain was even more painful. The edges had been ripped and the pain that followed was so intense I thought I could even have collapsed, or fainted. The worst part was the only two times I'd ever had my heart hurt this much were by the two people I loved. How was that right? I felt the tears in my eyes and I didn't want him to see me cry. He wouldn't get the satisfaction. I turned on my heels and tried to muffle the loud sobs that were building in my chest. They were in my throat but I dutifully swallowed them down. _Not going to cry, Not going to cry… _I repeated over and over in my head. He wasn't worth it. He was not worth it. I tried to convince myself but I was wrong. Of course he was worth it! Jake was my rock, holding me to this world and now he'd let me go too early. I tore open the door and back out. I glanced at Jake and for a second he was the old Jacob. He was mine but then he turned and walked inside.

I managed to drive about 6 minutes away from his house when it was too hard for me to see. I pulled over and sobbed letting everything out. I felt gross and dirty as the tears began to die down. I leaned against the steering wheel trying to breathe normally. _Tap tap_. "AHHH!" I screamed and looked towards the window. There was Jake, without a shirt on tapping on my window. He was looking sympathetic which almost made me open the door. I looked behind me and didn't see a car or anything, how had he managed to get here? He tapped again, "Bella come out I'm sorry." I looked at him one last time and then turned the ignition and drove away. Drove from Jake, drove from La Push and drove right back into my stage of misery.

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	5. Forgive and Forget

It was my turn to withdraw myself from the world

It was my turn to withdraw myself from the world. Well, my turn _again_. I was directing this hate towards Jacob. I tried my best to try and be good towards Charlie but at this point, I had a hard time smiling, it didn't feel natural anymore. I wish I could say that Jake had been calling all the time and I just kept saying no but in fact, Jake withdrew himself as well. He didn't call he didn't stop by nothing. I could see the concern in Charlie's eyes, he saw it coming. He knew the misery was coming back and I could see in the way that he avoided looking at me or how he'd walk the long way to avoid an awkward conversation with me. I really hated myself for causing this much discomfort towards Charlie but—I didn't know. I couldn't control it. I had become someone crazy, insane even. I need to be loved, or at least I thought I did. It was all in my head. I wished that having Angela and Ben was enough but something just kept yelling at me from inside saying, "Nope, nope…you need Jacob. You need Edward." As lame as it all sounds I was lonely and depressed. I didn't want to be a zombie anymore. I'd tasted this new life for me and I wanted it but without Jake it didn't mean anything. I actually missed his lips or the way his giant hands would hold my neck. It was all gone.

The next morning I woke up with no sun from the window. Suitable. I dragged my feet all the way to the kitchen and got my breakfast. I sat down and munched it slowly and carefully. Everything was slowly these days. It was a Saturday, a boring nothing to do but mope around all day Saturday. I groaned as I heard someone knock at the door.

I waited a bit hoping Charlie would answer it. When the knocking continued and there were no sounds around the house I groaned and wobbled to the door. I saw a note taped there, _'Went fishing with the boys from work, see you later.' _I frowned feeling abandoned and opened the door. I immediately slammed it into Jacob's face. "Aww Bella! Come on, just open the door! Please!" I didn't respond. I turned and walked back into the kitchen. I tossed my cereal away again not feeling hungry. I wasn't even sure if I liked cereal anymore. It was soggy and had little taste. I complained in my head to myself and realized just how absolutely nuts I sounded. I sat at the table as the knocking continued. I placed my forehead on the table and felt the tears well up. I wanted to go and open the door and hug Jake. I wanted to tell him how much he meant to me and I wanted him to hold my hand so we could walk down First Beach together. I wanted to feel his warm lips as they felt mine. I'd only kissed him enough times to count on one hand but even though it was such a short event it still remained chiseled into my head. Jake had become apart of me. He was the person who was helping me become the person I wanted to be after everything had happened. I needed him more than anyone. _More then anyone?_ I shuddered. Had it gotten so bad that I'd almost forgot trying to forget Edward?

I heard a bang and then all of a sudden Jake was through the front door and looking proud of himself that huge smile on him. I stared wide eyed at what had happened. "WHAT THE--," I screamed but his lips were on mine in a flash. I tried to push him off but he wouldn't budge. I tried telling him to stop but I couldn't even open my mouth. When he finally stopped I glared at him once and then walked away. "Bella come on!" he whined.

"Jake get _out _of my house!" I hissed.

"Bella, just let me explain!"

"I don't want to hear it Jake! No one has _ever _said something so cruel and heartless. You weren't the Jake I know and you're not him now so you really need to get the hell out of my life." I said it with such venom it burned his face instantly. He didn't let up.

"Bella you don't understand. I--,"

"Go away." I slammed the bathroom door in his face.

"I came through your front door I can do it again." He mumbled through the door.

"Jake I really don't think that would be a good idea to try and get on my good side. Turn around and walk away." I yelled.

"I'm not leaving until you listen to what I'm trying to tell you." I opened the door and walked right up to him.

"I don't want to listen to you anymore. You're a mean person who has no excuses for what he said."

"Aww Bella grow up! You're not a kid, you need to know--," I through a shampoo bottle at his head. The first thing my head had reached. He barely flinched. "GROW UP!? ME GROW UP!? I KNOCKED FOR TEN MINUTES ON YOUR DOOR AFTER YOU DESERTED ME FOR A WEEK! YOU HAD TIME TO EXPLAIN THEN BUT INSTEAD YOU RIPPED APART SOMETHING THAT YOU HELPED FIX!" I screamed it so loud and so angrily I felt like my head could explode. I collapsed into Jake's arms and he rocked me as I sobbed. Deep, loud retching sobs. He held me tight and carefully stroked my hair. I knew I wasn't going to stop crying for a while but as everything caught up with me I realized I didn't want to make this easy. I pushed him off and he looked at me surprised. "Leave." I turned and walked to my room.

"Bella?"

"Jacob—I don't want you to be here anymore. I don't want the person who made me cry console me. It's not right." He turned and began to walk down the stairs, his brow furrowed and the pain on his face obvious. I went into my room and finished crying. I already felt cold without his arms around me which made me cry harder. I should've just forgiven him. I realized that after you get hurt it just becomes harder and harder to forgive and forget. I didn't know when I'd forgive Jacob and I wasn't sure if I'd ever forget Edward.


	6. Irreplaceable

(THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS

(THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS! It means sooo much to get reviews you have no idea!! Hope you enjoy the next chapter!)

I was still in my room crying when Charlie got home. He didn't even bother checking up on me. I heard him on the phone downstairs and it only made me cry harder when I realized he was speaking with Renee. I didn't want to leave; it was the _last _thing I ever wanted to happen. I needed to stay here. For Jake, for Charlie and even…I didn't even bother thinking it. It wasn't worth it. I was doing my best not to think of anything that would remind me of how much pain I was in.

Finally after a couple of hours I drifted into a sleep. A choppy waking up and then falling back to sleep sleep, but still I went to bed. I had weird dreams. The dreams of course involved Edward. The first was me in his house. That woke me up instantly because I hadn't been there in so long and it intimidated me to even think about it. I went back to sleep and sooner or later, the dream picked up again. I was in his house wondering where he was, I was frowning, I looked deserted and lonely and sad. It was a depressing sight to see yourself in such a state. I didn't see anything except me, alone, sitting on a couch in his house but I could tell I was waiting. I twiddled and fiddled but nothing happened. Then things started to change. Outside it became night and day but in fast motion and I realized time was going by. I was concentrating around when I looked back at myself, I was aging. I was no longer young and fit but older, my hair longer. I looked in my 30s. Time kept going by and nothing happened except I remained on the couch with a sense of depression longing for the one thing I couldn't find. I became older and older until I was just an old lady, wrinkled with snow white hair. I began to cry in the dream finally the truth dawning on me. The Cullen's were out of my life. Forever.

I woke up not screaming but sobbing to that dream. The dream where the feelings I'd been feeling had felt so real it scared me. The emptiness in the dream was so hollow I could almost hear an echo.

The next week went by so slowly. I would wake up to a grey sky, go to school and sit at lunch with Angela and Ben everyone else so fed up with me. I could see the concern in Ben and Angela's eyes but I had nothing to say to them. I couldn't believe it. Jake was right, I was such a pain that I had driven away the only two people who could make me feel—well, just feel. I felt life and happiness all jumbled together with love and joy when I was with them. It hurt when I saw concern on people's faces especially Charlie but what to do? What could I possibly do. I was a lost cause falling from the sky and awaiting the long journey down.

Each night Jake would come to my house. He would knock on the door and Charlie would let him in with such relief on his face only to be replaced with a worried look as I kicked Jake out again and again. He could hear the sobs and the pleads I knew he could but every time I saw Jake's face it just brought up the thing he had said. I knew I was being immature, I knew I should just let it go especially since he was trying so hard but Edward was my life and Jake knew that. Jake was there to brighten my day and make me live life again and he'd just thrown away the months we'd been best friends, the night we'd almost become more like it was nothing at all. It was one thing but the fact that after he'd said it he didn't apologize until a week later was what made everything worse. Did he not realize how much it had hurt me? Did he not realize that when he saw me in the car my eyes so puffy and red I could barely see through them? Was he that stupid! Each night he came to see me it just broke my heart even more. I knew the reason I wasn't forgiving him was because I was so scared that he'd hurt me this bad again. As much as I needed him back in my life the fear of feeling this much pain again brought tears to my eyes. I knew I wasn't able to cope without someone or something that could come into my life and make sense of things. I didn't understand why I needed it either. Why couldn't I just be sensible and just suck it up? I knew exactly why I couldn't. As confusing as it all sounds, if something as absolutely perfect and flawless as Edward comes into your life it's impossible to replace.


	7. Burning Eyes

"Bella

(Sorry it's been a while! I've been really busy! Hope you enjoy this)

"Bella? Bella!" Angela called. I was walking to my truck and turned around to face her. "What's up?" I said trying to sound somewhat alive.

"Hey! So—I can't help but notice you've been—different again lately. Do you want to come over? A girl's night! Just me and you!" I smiled, it sounded like a lot of fun and I knew that having Angela there and not someone like Jessica would make things much easier. "Yeah, that sounds really awesome. I'll be over around--,"

"8 at my house see you then!" She waved goodbye and walked quickly over to Ben. They shared a short kiss that gave me pain in my chest. I crawled into my truck and began to drive home.

I arrived at Angela's house with a small bag with my overnight stuff. There were three cars there which struck me as odd right away. She only owned one car…I got really nervous thinking there would be some intervention and I'd be the center of attention. The thing I liked most about Angela was that I knew she'd never do something like that and second of all, we never out did the other. We just went together without having to talk over one another; we clicked in an effortless way which made it so easy to be friends with her. I hesitantly walked up the driveway and to the door. I was about to knock when it was flung open by none other then Jessica. "O-M-G BELLA! It's been _too _long! I just love, LOVE what you're wearing!" She smiled and grabbed my bag and hauled me in. I searched for Angela's face but didn't see her. "Hey Jess," I mumbled. I was _not _in the mood to have Jessica firing questions at me 24/7.

Finally I saw Angela emerge from the kitchen carrying chips and dips, "Bella!" she said smiling nervously. I eyed her trying to send her a message that I didn't want to be here. "Jessica! Angela!" I heard someone from upstairs call. My head was already pounding with all the noise and commotion. I hadn't been prepared and everything caught me off guard. Lame music was coming from upstairs and I heard people singing along to it in high pitch voices. "COMING!" Jessica squealed as she ran up the stairs. Angela put the chips and dips down and grabbed my arm pulling me into the bathroom. "This isn't my fault, Jessica called me and asked me to hang out, I said I couldn't because you were coming over and she just invited herself over."

"its fine Angela, you don't have to worry about it." I said trying to sound nonchalant but I knew that Angela knew that I was definitely not up for this.

"And that's not all, Jessica was with Lauren and then Lauren forgot that she had already asked Katie and Patty to hang out so they're here too as well as Linda and Monica." I tried to breathe normally but I could just imagine how much I didn't fit in with any of these girls. I was an outcast who just so happened to be acting like a shy and sad mouse the past couple of weeks. I was grumpy and I tried to prepare myself as Angela and I made our way up the stairs.

I could already see girls in there short shorts dancing around the room. "How old are we again?" I murmured.

"Be nice!" Angela laughed. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun was on, how cliché. I took a deep breath and walked into the room. I was wearing a sweatshirt and jeans with holes in it. Everyone else was wearing pinks and yellows and whites, even Angela looked better then I did. I felt my cheeks redden as everyone sort of took their turns glancing at me. I could imagine what they were thinking, _"Could it actually be zombie-girl? Coming out from her cave already!?" _I could hear Jessica's gossip already forming in her head. I smiled but it felt stiff and uncomfortable just like it had the first time I'd laughed with Jacob. Maybe this girl's thing was what I needed. Maybe it was going to fill in the two holes that had been formed by two stupid boys. "Bella, do you want to borrow these shorts? I brought extra pairs! I'm Patty by the way!" A girl with strawberry blonde hair with loose curls and bright green eyes with a sprinkle of freckles across her nose. She looked like she was from the cabbage patch kids with a soprano voice that reminded me of a certain somebody…

"Yeah sure! What do they look like?" I asked cheerfully. She held up a pair of petite cotton baby blue shorts that said cutie on the butt, lame I know but I needed a night where I could feel good. Maybe all of this, these happy girls could fill me up. Fix me up and make me somewhat human again. "Those look amazing!" I said it with a bright smile and noticed everyone sort of, relax. That was good, people weren't as weird-ed out by me anymore.

I went into the bathroom and whipped out my black tank top. I changed and looked in the mirror. The black made my skin pop and the baby blue shorts we _very _short but I hadn't looked this cute in a while. My legs were skinny and lanky but in a good way and as I gazed into the mirror avoiding my face I realized that my body didn't look that bad. I was expecting pieces missing but other then some weight loss and less energy levels, it wasn't all that bad. I finally mustered the courage to look at my face. It was still empty and I could tell. I practiced smiling in the mirror trying to look happy. I could probably go through the night faking it for some and actually being happy for others and the only person who'd really notice would be Angela and she would understand. I could call her tomorrow morning and maybe I could actually tell someone just how much I was hurting. Someone other then Jake.

As I walked back into the room all the girls wolf-whistled and clapped and I did a little curtsy and real smile, a very tiny one, but real none the less crept up on me unexpectedly. It was going to be an okay night after all.

We all laughed as Patty hung up the phone. She'd been dared to prank call her ex and Monica whose voice was surprisingly deep pretended to be a man. They had been groaning and moaning and she was acting like she didn't realize she'd call him and you could hear her ex on the other line gasping. It was stupid and immature but it was funny and it made me laugh and I liked to laugh. It suited me. After we did more silly dares that made no sense and we told some of our secrets I felt relaxed and comfortable. I'd had to run downstairs and grab the first thing I saw, bring it up and then eat a spoonful. It happened to be mayonnaise and I'd almost thrown up while doing so. It was great because Jess got it on camera and you can see my gagging.

"_Bella_!"

"Sorry, what?" I hadn't been listening and Lauren's nasally voice entered my thoughts.

"Truth or dare!"

"Um…" Like I'd chose truth, we all knew what everyone would ask me, "Dare!" I said cheerily. Lauren cocked her head, pursed her lips, furrowed her brow and looked in very deep thought. "Alright, got it. Go outside run to the tree and back."

"Pfft," I scoffed, "Easy!" I began to get up.

"Oh right, forgot to mention something. You have to run to the tree and back—_naked_." I stopped and stared. Everyone was amused and Lauren would not get the satisfaction of seeing me back down. No one thought I'd do it so I marched down the stairs and stripped down surprisingly fast. I opened the door and stepped outside. The cold air whipped me and I almost went back inside. I was already almost done and I could hear the girls whooping and yelling from the open window above. "You're not filming right!?" I cried. I heard silence then a huge uproar of laughter. So they definitely were. I took a deep breath and then booked it outside and blocked out everyone laughing and squealing. I touched the tree and ran back hopping slightly from the cold ground. The ground was wet, of course but other then that just the darkness was what was cold and unwelcoming. As I sprinted back to the house I felt eyes on me and I glanced up to the window and saw a couple of girls with cameras. I blushed and forgot the eyes that I felt burning me. It was just the girls I reminded myself casually. I ran back inside giggling and quickly put my clothes back on. I ran upstairs to applause. I bowed and smiled a large smile. The second smile that night.

(Reviews are appreciated!! Thanks everyone!)


	8. For an Instant

During the night I slept beside Angela and Monica

During the night I slept beside Angela and Monica. Monica was a very noisy sleeper but I didn't mind. It made me feel less alone. Angela was breathed very slowly and smoothly and hardly ever tossed and turned. I couldn't really fall asleep and everyone else was dead tired now. I tried to toss and turn and fall into a slumber but it wasn't coming.

Slowly I pulled myself away from all the arms and legs and only made a few girls stir and made my way outside. It was nippy and cold but it felt good. I stared up at the sky feeling like some stupid movie where the main character is depressed and sad and then her knight in shining armor comes and rescues her from her misery. I laughed in spite of myself. Who was my shining amour now? Edward or Jacob? Where did my heart belong? Edward left and here I was trying to repair the pieces with the help of Jacob. The Jacob who also abandoned me with harsh words that stung more then anything.

Edward…the ideal example of perfection. His eyes, his lips, his body. I could feel my body tense up with the hole beginning to tear. I hadn't let myself engage in such imaginations of the boy I knew I was still in love with. I hadn't thought about someone who had been the most important thing in my life for a while now. I decided that maybe thinking about it all would offer me closure.

I sat on the porch leaning against the house with my legs pulled up to keep me warm. I was still cold and didn't want to go back in and scare anyone so I crept up and made my way to the forest. The green haven that was most likely wet but I was sure I could find a small path of dry. I made my way in slowly trying to avoid stepping on stumps but of course a quarter way down the path I managed to stumble and trip over a log. I kept in a squeal as I tumbled into a pile of leaves and grass and twigs. I felt my knees and palms scrape as they protected my fall. I landed in a heap and then the tears came. My knees and palms stung but that wasn't what hurt. I knew what was hurting and I didn't care how corny it sounded because it was true. The thing that hurt most was my heart. I didn't feel human anymore; I didn't feel alive or happy. None of it made any sense, nothing. No one thought enough of me to stay in my life, I was just clinging on to Angela and even I knew she would soon fade away knowing there was nothing she could do. I was lost. I was lost in the darkness left alone to trip and fall and attempt to pick myself up again. First falling when Edward left, then falling again when Jacob became something I hate and now--, falling for both? I didn't think I could pick myself up again. My body was battered and beat and tired and wasn't able to make another comeback. It was broken. My heart was broken beyond repair and it hurt me to breathe without someone. I was so selfish and dependant on all those around me. You'd think after Edward I would learn not to take Jacob for granted but the minute he was out of my life again everything just came crashing back down. Edward was my love and still is and will always be. He's not coming back but I still lay awake sometimes hoping he'll come back to me. Hoping I'll see him and he'll pick me up and take me away from everything. Just the way he held me, so delicately so I wouldn't break would solve everything. Just to feel the way his eyes burn into me would make everything go away. Just to hold his hand would make me the happiest girl in the world. But I'd never do that again. I would never feel his touch or smell him because he was gone. He took all the memories and soon his face would fade and take away the last piece of my humanity with it.

Jacob's face flashed into my mind and the tears started all over again. Loud sobs that I prayed no one could hear. Jacob, the one who'd come to my rescue only to put me into worse shape then before. I was being stupid and blind. Why is it that every night he came to my house hoping that night would be different, hoping that he could talk to me and explain I simply said no. I simply shooed away the one good thing I still had in my life? He wasn't going to hang on forever and soon it would become the greatest mistake of my life. A simple word yes was all he needed. It was all I needed too. He wasn't Edward but maybe in time the void would be filled—almost. I could be happy with Jake, I knew I could. He was healthy for me, he was kind and loving and it was then that I realized he was in trouble. Jacob loved me not only as a sister but as more. I knew that. I knew that he would never treat me this way or say the things he said if he didn't have to. I remembered Sam Uley and all of the huge men who told me I was welcome. Something was wrong. I recalled the warmth from Jake's hand and the tears, now silent, began again. They were quiet but there were so many. They weren't going to stop. I wondered if it was possible for someone to run out of tears. Could I possibly cry every night and then cry now?

Jacob and Edward's faces were etched into my mind and I knew I could never forget them. They were too beautiful. I was holding my sides so tight knowing if I left go I would crumble and become the forest floor. I heard a twig snap and I stopped crying momentarily. I gazed around, my view blurry from the tears. I rubbed my eyes and could feel how swollen they were. I stood up still holding my sides and made my way back to the house. I stumbled on my way back but I didn't fall. I quickly brushed the twigs and leaves from my body and tried to stop crying. It was too hard so I sat out on the porch and let the cold air whip my face in hope that my tears would dry.

It was getting lighter in the sky and I was shocked that it had become so early, I stood up and walked back into the house quietly. I tip toed to the bathroom and peered at my reflection. The night had started off happy and cheery and turned out to be a mess. These girls as kind and welcoming as they were could never fill me. They could never replace what Jake and Edward left behind. It would never happen.

My reflection was scary. My brown eyes were glazed and swollen. They were red and sad and still looked wet as if new tears were on their way. My skin was ghostly and had goose bumps from the cold. My cute outfit didn't look cute anymore, it looked fake. This wasn't me. I didn't do this. I hung out in car shops with Jake or in meadows with Edward. I felt the most at home in the arms of someone who loved me. I couldn't depend on conversation and laughing because half the time it was phony. A few tears slid down my face and I didn't bother brushing them away. I stepped up the stairs and almost screamed when I turned the corner. Angela's arms were open and she pulled me in for a hug. The tears were still quiet but my body shook. For an instant I felt comfortable, for an instant I felt at home.

But only for an instant.

(reviews are appreciated!! Hope you enjoyed this! It was a bit of a weak chapter but there are some key parts in here that you'll soon discover!)


	9. Zombie

The next morning I woke up and looked over at the clock

The next morning I woke up and looked over at the clock. It read 2:30pm. I gasped and looked around; none of the girls were here. I stood up lazily, my back sore from sleeping on the floor and walked out of the room. I heard shuffling and creaking downstairs and I came downstairs into the kitchen. "Morning," I mumbled sleepily to Angela. She looked over at me and smiled. It wasn't a, 'I feel so bad for you smile,' it was more of a 'Good for you for actually waking up and facing the day,' smile, if that's even possible. I never felt weird, or watched with Angela like I did with the other girls. During the night, even when the attention was on someone else I would catch the odd person staring. No one even knew I existed anymore and for all I knew I barely did.

"Grilled cheese?" Angela asked holding a plate up for me. The smell was delicious and I nodded vigorously. We ate in a comfortable silence and after we'd cleaned up a bit we decided on a walk outside.

"Shall we walk in the forest?" Angela asked politely. I nodded and we made our way over.

"Angela—I'm really sorry you had to see me like that." I was sincere because I never wanted anybody to have to witness something so pitiful.

"Bella, I'm sorry for making you go through a night with people you barely even know!" She exclaimed in response.

"Trust me that was the best night I've had in a while. I just ruined it because I let memories flood back." I said quietly. Angela nodded and we were quiet for a bit. The leaves and twigs crackled beneath our feet like they did last night. I looked over and saw the small little hole where I'd spent the night crying. "Bella it's just—I feel so helpless! I'm never sure what exactly to say to you, I'm always afraid you'll take it the wrong way or you'll react strangely. You were getting so much better and now it's just—I can't help but feel like maybe it was something _I _said or Jessica or Lauren." She said it so sadly that I turned and hugged her. I hugged her tightly and she wrapped her arms around me as well. "Angela you have never said something that has ever affected me badly. You understand me the most out of anybody and even though last night was amazing it wasn't me. I smiled sure and I laughed but that's not who I am. I don't do slumber parties, I haven't been with," I was going to say humans but quickly said, "_girls _like Jessica and Lauren for a while and I guess it just threw me off guard." Why would it? I've been hanging out with Jake for a while. I guess it seemed that the past couple of weeks he'd been less and less human and more and more monstrous. I didn't like it at all but then I remembered my revelation last night. "Angela—I have to go!" I said abruptly. She looked shocked but we made our way back to the house anyway.

I threw my stuff into the truck and turned to face Angela. "Thank you so much for everything. I think I can handle a little girl stuff once in a while. I'll call you okay?" Angela smiled and we hugged briefly. I climbed into my truck and made my way down the street. I knew where I was going and my feet just led the way. I looked in mirror in my truck at my face. The tears last night had washed off all traces of mascara leaving my eyes small and insignificant. I didn't care, my hair was in a messy bun and I giggled quietly picking out a tiny leaf. I was wearing the same tank top but I'd thrown on faded jeans. I looked tired and grumpy but again, it didn't matter. This drive was long overdue. I felt bad that I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to all of the girls. I must've been really tired because I didn't hear them all pack up and leave. I didn't know when I'd get a chance to see them all again. I looked towards the giant hole in my truck and a sad feeling came over me. I didn't like how it looked there; the gaping hole stared at me making me uncomfortable. It just reminded me of how much it hurt. I shook it off opening the window and letting the cool air flood the truck. It was a grey day but it wasn't raining and I took this is as a good sign.

When I arrived at my destination I had to breathe slowly. I looked around making sure no one was outside to tell me off. The anger bubbling within me drove me to get outside and make things right again. I knocked on the door 4 times loudly. No answer. I knocked again. I heard someone shuffling behind the door and then it opened slowly. "Ja--," I saw that Billy stood before me uncomfortably trying to maneuver his wheelchair. "Oh, sorry Billy, is Jake home?" Billy looked at my pityingly but then his expression turned blank. "No." I was taken aback. I felt like I would stumble backwards but I nodded my head slowly. Where did he go? Hanging out with his new friends most likely I thought angrily. I was about to turn and leave the sadness creeping up into my chest when a wave of boldness came over me. "Sorry, but where is he?" I said arching my eyebrow menacingly. Billy could think what he wants but I knew he was pissed because I had been denying Jake and he was probably feeling pretty smug that I had come crawling back. He seemed shocked that I had even said anything else. "Uh—well he went out. He goes out a lot now." He said it accusingly which made me angry. "He hangs out with his new _friends _a lot but always manages to put in time for you." He said the second part with venom that I almost cringed. It wasn't even worth it. I began to walk away the anger dying down but the sadness building up. He wasn't here. He was probably out with friends which made the anger rise. I was sad and angry at the same time making me a complete and utter wreck as I began to drive home. I wasn't crying but it didn't surprise me. I guess it answered my question, you really can cry out all your tears. I was almost on my street when I realized how much I'd screwed everything up. The only real friend I had right now was Angela and I knew I was losing her. I tried to make things better with Jake and that didn't work either. Soon I would be sad, alone and friendless. Just what I needed. Jake was out with his friends he loved so much while I tried to tell him how I was feeling. It was all so messed up I couldn't stand it. I couldn't wait to crawl into my own bed and just mope. Maybe being a zombie wouldn't be so bad after all.


	10. A Guest

I pulled into my driveway and parked my car

I pulled into my driveway and parked my car. The noise dyed down and my ears felt like there were cotton balls in them. I waited a bit for them to adjust, checking myself in the mirror. I didn't look like I'd been crying which was good. I brushed the last bit of sleep out of my eyes and got out of the truck carrying my bag with me. I walked up the steps and shut it quietly behind me. I wouldn't mind getting the chance to go upstairs unnoticed. "Bella?" Or not.

"Yeah?"

"You have a guest." My throat constricted slightly and a million ideas went through my head at once. Who could it be? I placed my bag on the table and made my way to the family room. I heard a sports game on and I wondered who'd actually be watching it with my dad. I turned the corner and my heart skipped a beat.

There was Jakes tall and lanky body. He made the room look tiny and squished with his massive size and his hair down to his ears looked matted and untidy. I was speechless. I was happy looking at him. He made me feel complete. He turned and looked at me hesitantly. His eyes were pleading and they looked heartbreaking. I looked at his lips, they looked like they hadn't smiled in years which made me just want to kiss them better. Charlie was looking back and forth. "Well kids, I have to—go--," he made some lame excuse but I didn't care. He left slamming the door behind him and Jake and I both listened for the engine to die away. When it was silent again, we looked back at each other and just stared for a bit. Jake stood up, "Bella--," he started but I flew across the room and had my arms wrapped around his waist before he could finish. He slowly put his arms around me too, he was very warm. His hand was petting my head and the other was pulling me tighter towards him. I just held him around his waist as tight as I could never wanting him to leave me again. "I'm sorry, I was stupid and immature and dumb and I never gave you a chance to explain anything about--," he interrupted me when his lips came down and touched mine. It was a very sweet and soft kiss but I began to run my fingers through his hair pulling him towards me. It became fierce and passionate and I wasn't lonely. I didn't have a void in need to be filled, I didn't need to fake a laugh or be worried about what I was wearing. I was home in his arms. When we broke apart we were both giddy and smiling. "I've missed you." We both said in unison. We sat on the couch with a pillow size in between us. It felt awkward so I quickly scooted over to fill the space. He smiled and pulled me into his embrace. We sat there on the couch just together with his arms around me and I cuddled into him. He was so big but I felt like I fit perfectly. We didn't need to explain ourselves, we didn't need to understand. Not yet at least. Neither of us was ready to talk about how much it sucked to be apart. We already understood each other perfectly. He would kiss the top of my head and pull me closer every so often. I hadn't felt this good in so long.

I wiggled trying to loosen my arm that was asleep. I finally twisted to be comfortable and my hand found his hand. We intertwined fingers and it was just like always. Our thing, our little hand holding. His hot hand smudged with mine. I realized I was starting to sweat with all the heat but I didn't dare compare the difference with someone else. Nothing could ruin the moment. After quite a long time we began to shift and wiggled so we were lying down on the couch. He was holding me so I wouldn't fall off the couch. His lips were on the back of my head and soon we drifted off into a deep sleep.

I woke up to the sound of an engine. _Charlie_. I looked over and saw Jake's face. Eyes closed, it was then that I saw the giant bags under his eyes. His lips were parted slightly and he was steadily breathing. I slipped out from his hold and he stirred slightly. I walked noiselessly into the kitchen and looked out to see Charlie deciding if he should just walk in or knock. I opened the door and smiled. "Hey!" I said brightly. I could just feel the weight lifted off Charlie's shoulders. "Bella." He didn't say it as a question or a demand or a scold it was just a sigh of relief. He hugged me and I rolled my eyes trying not to get emotional. I was happy to be back. I didn't like being a zombie, who was I kidding? I needed certain people in my life, so what? "Supper dad?" I asked looking into the fridge. There wasn't a huge selection because I'd been pretty lazy the past week about the food situation. "Wow—it got pretty bad eh?" I mumbled. He waved it off, "Don't worry about it kid." He said kindly. He was just happy that he didn't have to ship me back to Florida and that he'd be alone again. It didn't just make me happy that I was friends with Jake again, it made Charlie happy too. I could imagine all the conversations Billy and Charlie must've had concerning me and Jake and all of our silly drama. I started to cook dinner while Charlie went upstairs. I had bought him some new books in hope that he'd stop sitting around the television all the time and so far it'd been working. He enjoyed just lying in bed and I always found the books littered around the house.

"Hey," a sleepy voice said. Charlie and I looked up from our dinner and stared at a sleepy eyed Jacob. He was stretching his muscles out and he came to sit beside me. He was looking at me very lovingly which made me embarrassed only because Charlie was right there. Charlie grunted softly while continuing to eat dinner. "Want to go for a walk after you're done?" Jake asked me softly. I looked down at my empty plate. "I have dishes, but after for sure." I smiled reassuringly.

"Well, if you still need time to talk then go right ahead, I'll do the dishes." Charlie said trying to sound annoyed.

"Um, dad, you can just leave them in the sink. We won't be long, okay? I don't trust you." I joked. Yes, Bella Swan made jokes now. It shocked me to see just how much Jacob changed me. His presence made me act completely different, but yet more myself then I ever was with others. I felt so—good with Jake it didn't seem fair. I was tired of having perfect people thrown into my life; I didn't even come close to comparing. Once we were outside Jake took my hand immediately and we began to walk into the forest. We didn't walk very far and I was immediately reminded of the time Edward took me here. The lump in my throat formed so quickly it scared me. I wanted to run screaming but my legs were rooted to the spot. I looked at Jake wide-eyed and frightful but the expression he had wasn't angry or blank. It was worse. He wore the same face Edward had for the first weeks we'd been going through a rough patch. His face looked troubled and confused like he was caught between to choices. I tensed up even tighter not wanting to make a sudden move in fear he'd run away. Jake took a deep breath, "Bella—I'm a werewolf."

(Pleaseee review!! I need reviews guys it really helps with my writing!!)


	11. Waking Up

It was funny because after he told me the truth I wasn't scared; I wasn't frightened I was just really relieved

(Enjoy the next chapter, it's kinda cute!)

It was funny because after he told me the truth I wasn't scared; I wasn't frightened I was just _really _relieved. "I see." Was all I mustered. I was happy that finally it all made sense. He didn't hate me he _had _been in trouble. I felt terrible, he'd need my help and I'd just abandoned him.

As he explained to me all he'd been through, the pain, what he could do, what felt, who his never friends were I saw that he looked close to tears. I just held him closely. We'd made our way to the ground and it was warm, no wind could touch us here. I held him and rubbed his head trying to fix the hurt, trying to fix all the pain he was going through. I could tell this was something he had no idea of and all he wanted was a friend, me, to help him through it. What had I done? Nothing.

As we made our way back, we held hands like usual. I didn't care that he was a werewolf just like I didn't care that another happened to be a vampire. I looked up at Jake's troubled eyes; I wanted to kiss them better. I wanted to show him how sorry I was for leaving him when he needed me most. "So are you ever going to introduce me to your friends?" I asked hesitantly. He didn't respond for a long time. We stopped outside my door and sat on the porch. He wasn't talking but I didn't plan on rushing him. I just sat and waited for him to speak.

"I don't know. I wasn't supposed to tell you."

"Well—you did. So it's done with." We sat there, hand holding and just basked in each others presence. Soon enough Charlie managed to ruin the moment by coming out and telling Jake Billy had called.

"Yeah, I guess I'd better go." He mumbled. He stood up as Charlie closed the door and walked back inside the house. "Jake, wait up!" I called getting to my feet. I ran over to him and kissed him on the lips quickly. He smiled, "See ya." He called. He walked to the end of the driveway and I realized he didn't have a car. "Jake!? Where's your car?" He shrugged, "Don't need one, bye Bells." He laughed and soon he was invisible behind the trees. I frowned and turned to go back inside. He was so cryptic now, but I knew he'd let me past the mask sooner or later. I'd just have to wait. At least I was good at waiting.

The next morning was a Sunday and I woke up at 9 feeling calm and happy. I didn't dream so I was relaxed and I woke up knowing that I actually had something to do that day. No more pretending to be happy, I was happy. It always amazed me just how much Jake's presence influenced my mood. When he was happy I was, when he was sad I was. We were like two people moving and feeling together as one. I went downstairs and saw Charlie's shoes were gone, probably out fishing and such. I quickly downed some breakfast and then got busy. I'd been lacking in the hospitality area so I decided to clean up around the house. I started with vacuuming and dusting and mopping. I blasted some music and danced around the house knowing nothing would interrupt me anytime soon. I was on to the laundry when the phone rang. I skipped to answer it, "Hello?" I asked brightly. No answer. "He—loo?" I asked slowly, "Jake if that's you I'm going to kill you!" I joked. The line went dead. I hung up and tried to concentrate on the laundry again. A phone call like that wouldn't mean anything to a normal person, but the people and the _creatures _in my life made a phone call as eerie as that kind of scary. I put the music a bit louder and began to fold clothes again. Twenty minutes later the phone rang again. I groaned and went slowly to the phone, "Hello?" I asked hesitantly.

"Bella!" I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Hey Jake!"

"I'm picking you up and we're going into town k? I'm coming now!"

"Wait Jake! I'm not even ready you dummy!" I laughed into the phone.

"Be there soon Bells!" The phone went dead and I giggled. I finished folding, threw in another load and sprinted upstairs.

I knew Jake could care less how I looked but it felt nice to actually have a reason to pamper myself, or at least look nice. I stepped into the shower meaning to go fast but instead stayed under the showerhead longer then usual. The hot water hitting me hard but the burn felt good. It woke me up and I vowed then and there never to let myself fall asleep like that again.

I came out of the bathroom, the steam covering the mirrors and making the air humid and sticky. I looked toward the stairs and screamed. "Sorry!" Jacob laughed showing his teeth. "JAKE! What the heck! Don't sneak up on me like that!" I realized I only had a towel on and when Jake began to make his way up the stairs I froze. He came really close to me but I couldn't walk away, he was making me feel uncomfortable and nervous. I was pretty much naked and I didn't like having a boy this close to me, even if the boy was Jacob. "Um—let me get changed k?" I backed away willing my legs to work with me. My arms were white with how much pressure I forced for them to keep the towel up. Once I closed my bedroom door behind me I let out a sigh. I loved Jake, I really did but that feeling wasn't something I wanted to experience—not yet at least.

I came out wearing jeans and a long sleeve and he smiled, "finally!"

"Let's go!" I grabbed my key and locked the door behind me, "Hey, wait, how did you get in?"

"Who me!?" He asked innocently.

"No, Jesus." I replied sarcastically.

"You know, it just happened."

"Something to do with being a werewolf I'm guessing." I said as we walked towards his rabbit. I loved how small it was because it made me laugh every time I saw Jacob's gangly limbs inside of it. Jake nodded answering my question and we stepped into the car. We didn't listen to music and we didn't talk, he had one hand on the wheel, I had one hanging out the open window. Our other hands were intertwined between us. The wind blew my hair around but I wasn't cold, it was a warm wind which brightened my mood, maybe we'd be able to go to the beach soon. Maybe the sun would grace everyone with it's presence. A girl could dream right?

(Reviews are really appreciated!!)


	12. Shivers

"So what did you say you needed

"So what did you say you needed?" Jake asked me as we walked towards the market.

"Just a few things, groceries and stuff." I said vaguely. I was going to make Charlie something really nice. I felt bad and I wanted to make it up to him. "What should I make Charlie for dinner? Any ideas?" I was fiddling around with vegetables and feeling for ripeness not really knowing _exactly _what I was doing. "Maybe--," Jake paused and galloped over to a weird looking fruit stand. "How about this—you know delicacy?" He laughed holding up a crazy looking purple fruit with yellow spikes. I laughed, "Seriously! I have to make something special." I said as we started to hold hands again. We walked down the aisles and I picked up tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers, onions the usual things.

"Maybe just fish and fries?" I said picking up some potatoes.

"No. You have to make him something _amazing_! I'll even help." He winked at me. He led me over to another tent full of yummy scents. "This place smells vunderful, shall we attempt to cook something in here?" We looked around and I noticed it was a sort of Italian cuisine. I was looking a millions of different pastas when I felt somebody staring. I whirled around and saw nothing. I looked around even bending down. The stare felt intense and it make me nervous, yet it felt familiar. I felt warm hands on my waist and I giggled as Jake turned me to face him. He kissed me softly on the lips. I felt giddy and forgot about the stare easily. "I found the perfect recipe." He smiled his huge smile and led me over to an Italian chef working very slowly and carefully. "What's he making?" I whispered as we leaned it to gaze at his work. Then a huge pile of dough was thrown into the air and I saw as the chef twirled the pizza dough around his fingers making it thinner and thinner. "Pizza Jake? Honestly we can just order it!"

"Ahh no no! Homemade is the only way to come about pizza!" The Italian chef said smiling at us. I smiled nervously.

"I'm sorry I don't know how to make it though." The chef handed us a piece of paper, "The best recipe of pizza dough with the ingredients, enjoy my friends!" He winked at us and then continued with his pizza. We walked away and ran around for all the ingredients pecking each other on the lips and goofing off with each other every so often. I had to admit to somebody on the outside we looked pretty cute.

After we squished some groceries in the car we went into a little café for some iced coffee. "I hate coffee." Jake mumbled.

"Muffin! It's good, you just have to get used to it." I said sipping my drink lovingly. I got addicted to the sweet nectarine of coffee during my—down time. It was always something that made me a bit more alive when I managed to haul myself out of bed in the morning. Jake tried to be polite and sipped the coffee every so often but I could see him gagging every time he looked away.

"Okay, okay! You don't have to drink it. You're such a baby!" I laughed throwing out our cups. I sat back down and we started talking about things. The stupid kind of things that we're easy to talk about involving no love or pressure or mystical creatures. We both created a haven for each other. I didn't press him on werewolf details no matter _how _much I wanted to know of his other life he led and he knew better then to _ever _bring up the Edward situation. It was a touchy subject and it would probably always would be but I knew he'd let me in on his secrets soon enough, I just had to be patient.

"So wait, why did you take me out today?" I asked as we were walking around town.

"I just needed some time with you." He said casually. I scowled.

"Jake you know you can talk to me about anything right? Anything that's bothering you or making you sad because I'm always here, I'll never abandon you again okay?" Jake squeezed my hand reassuringly. "Even if it is about werewolves." I said quietly. I felt Jake stiffen so I stroked his hand with my thumb softly. "Bella--," he started. I was sighed knowing I was pressing. "Sorry, you don't have to say anything."

"It's not that! I already told you all of it!" He said getting a little snappy. We were inside his car now. "You know that's not really true Jake." I said calmly. Jake tensed even more and as he started the car I saw him reach for the radio dial. The music was fuzzy and full of static. I was taken aback. "Jake--,"

"Drop it Bella." He said it coldly so I stopped.

'_Cuz you are the one for meeeee,_

_forever, and ever we'll never be apart _

_and I need you now more then everrrrr…' _

My hand whipped out and I turned the music off. I felt tears stinging my eyes. I had promised not to let Jake see my cry, I had vowed never to go back into a state and I wouldn't let myself. I looked to Jake for help but he was staring blankly out the front window. I slid my hand away from his and I pulled my legs up to my chest. I wrapped my arms around tightly daring the hole to resurface. I hadn't heard music in a while and it had completely ruined my day. Especially the fact that Jacob was the one to put it on knowing how much I couldn't deal with it all. "You're like a baby sometimes Bella. You're always depending on everyone else to take care of you. You can't just shut everything out because of--," He stopped quickly.

"You're lucky you stopped talking you jerk." I hissed bitterly, "I'm not a baby, you don't need to take care of me because I can take care of myself." I wanted to laugh because I knew it was a lie.

"Yeah Bella, _okay_. I've been coming to your house everyday and been lacking sleep because I care enough about you to actually _do _that! I take you into town so you can patch things up with your dad because I feel guilty for it all but maybe _you're _the one who screwed up eh? Who ever thought that maybe you're the one who made things this shitty?" He said it venomously.

"What made you such a selfish prick lately? You're stupid werewolf buddies? The ones who have completely changed you? The ones who made you abandon me? The ones who said you couldn't be my friend? Tell them I say hi unless you're lying to them like you're lying to _me_!" I was angry now. I knew the Jake I loved was still there but he was still lost and I just wanted him to be all mine again, I admit I'm jealous.

"I ABANDONED YOU! Are you crazy! Bella I tried so hard to fix things so you wouldn't go insane again but you decided to let yourself get swept up in misery _again_!" He yelled.

"I have a reason to be miserable! You left me for a week when I needed you most! You are the only person who understands me and you turned on the flipping _radio _Jake! As stupid as that sounds again, you're the _only _person who'd know why that sucks so much! How low would someone go to put that kind of pain on another person? And what, _insane_! That's what you think I was?" I hadn't taken one breath so I let out a long sigh trying to release anger. I didn't want to screw things up again. I looked over after silence and noticed Jake was shaking. It was slow at first but it sped up and was getting violent. I went wide eyed. "Jake, are you okay?" I asked reaching out to him.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" He screamed but it wasn't angry. It was humiliated. He was shaking harder and harder. He pulled over and wrenched the door opened and piled out running into the forest. I saw shivers go up his spine just before he disappeared beyond the woods.


	13. Monster

I remained motionless in the car staring at the spot where Jacob had vanished not 30 seconds ago

I remained motionless in the car staring at the spot where Jacob had vanished not 30 seconds ago. I didn't move a muscle terrified. He had gotten _so _angry and the day had been going so well. I reacted quickly and leaped from the car. I was not going to allow my stupid mouth to screw things up again. I knew I needed Jake to avoid returning to a zombie so I was in no mood to allow myself to let him get away.

I ran from the car stumbling over so brambles and rocks on my way into the forest. Jake had had an easy time rushing into the forest at incredible speed as well. I never recalled him being that agile but I guess the whole werewolf thing changed a lot.

I knew instantly that attempting to find him in here was a mistake. I was already stumbling and tripping over everything in site and the trees were so tightly packed together it made moving very difficult, especially for someone as coordinately challenged as me.

I had to stop and look for a direction containing the least about of stumps and twigs every so often making the trip very difficult and time consuming. It had to be at least 10 minutes since I'd left the safety of the car. "JAKE!" I called into the trees knowing my efforts were useless.

"JAKE! WHERE ARE YOU!?" I continued to scream and shout but as I gazed behind me a sickening feeling washed over me. I could see the road, I couldn't see the car and I most certainly couldn't see where the hell I was. A feeling of nausea ran through me and I attempted to turn around and start hustling back towards, I hoped, the car. I took a step and my back foot got caught between roots causing imbalance resulting in me tumbling to the ground stupidly. "Arrg." I moaned as I tried to untangle myself. My hair was caught on branches and twigs and my legs were wrapped around tiny trees making moving an impossibility.

The tears that followed were impossible to stop. They just came rushing out because I was angry. I was angry that Jake just ran off into the forest, I was angry that I was lost, I was frustrated that I was tangled and couldn't get up and I was scared because I knew no one was going to just _happen _to walk by. "HELP!" I yelled but it was muffled between sobs.

I kicked my legs in all directions and flailed my arms stupidly trying to unravel myself from the wet moss covered ground. I was dirty I could feel the grass stains forming on my jeans but I didn't care. I was so angry that the tears wouldn't stop blurring my vision. I finally stopped moving, out of breath and closed my eyes trying to find calmness.

When I managed to open them again, my breathing normal again I screamed. Before me, 10 meters away was a bear, wait was it? A scary and terrifying monster lay before me. It was a russet colour monster with teeth and black eyes that disturbed me with their confusion and sadness. They seemed so familiar yet so distance. My breathing had gone up again and I wanted to just crawl into a hole and never return. I thought I was going to die, I _was _going to die.

Faces flashed through my mind causing unwanted tears to sting my eyes. People's faces the faces I had put up walls in my mind to keep out were filtering through the cracks and bringing back memories. _Alice_. Sweet Alice, bouncy and happy and cheery and always able to make me smile. Her sing song voice was making me shake with sadness because I couldn't help it. They were my life, _all _the Cullen's and now they were just—gone. I would _never _see them again and it hurt so much because after meeting people as great as them it's impossible to just lock yourself away and pretend they didn't influence you. _Emmett. _Killed another vampire to protect me, big and jolly just like a terrifying Santa Claus. I had learned to love him like a brother but again his face was getting more and more difficult to picture. _Jasper, Carlise, Esme—Rosalie. _Even Rosalie brought pain to my chest. All their faces driving into my brain and bouncing around like they owned the place, but in fact I guess they did. They owned me in a sick way. Everything I know did revolve around them. I put all my efforts into forgetting them. When they were here I put all my efforts into trying to making Rosalie approve of me, attempting to stay on my feet in front of Emmett, trying to have fashion sense with Alice and trying to be less human with Jasper. I always was thinking of them and everything reminds me of them. They were too unique too just be forgotten overnight. The Cullen's were footprints in my mind that would be dug up and reburied over and over again probably for the rest of my life. This is all scared me deeply.

I finally made myself come back to reality and made myself stare at my death. The monster hadn't moved an inch but then it took a few steps towards me. Its size made those few steps close the gap between us _very _quickly. I moaned in an attempt to scream but nothing could come out. My throat was dry with fear, my eyes were blurry with tears, my head was distracted with memories and my heart was hurting.

The monster was moving slowly and nervously toward me as if it was contemplating something. The last image, the one I was waiting to see, flowed through my head and the sight of it was shocking. The pain it brought with a single image scared me more then the monster coming towards me. Its utter perfection didn't make me cry it made me smile and as the memories came back I was happy. I could almost feel the arms wrapped around my body in protection, I could feel his cold lips against mine, I could smell his delicious scent and I could almost hear his velvet voice. It hurt my heart, my head every muscle in my body ached to feel him around me so I closed my eyes and felt the walls come crumbling down as I let every thing I'd tried to protect myself come undone.


	14. Jealousy

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**(I really appreciate those who have reviewed but PLEASE tell your friends and get everyone reviewing because ****I LOVE REVIEWS****! Thanks!)**

If I wasn't delusional with fear I think it was possible that the monster was—whimpering? Its black eyes were pleading and though the animal was large and intimidating I felt a pang of weakness looking into its eyes. It was very close now, only a meter away.

Looking out at my surroundings I realized that even if I did make a run for it I'd have no where to go. I was completely and utterly lost so maybe getting eaten by a really big hairy—thing, would be an okay way to go. The thing took a step closer to be and I tensed up. Who was I kidding I didn't want to die from getting ripped to shreds! I took deep breaths trying to allow calm to sweep over me. Edwards face was etched in my mind now but I didn't care because if I was going to die I wanted to be happy. The monster leaned in towards me to sniff me out. I held my breath. I awaited death with open arms when the beast froze. I opened my eyes and stared into the face of the monster. Then it bolted away and I could no longer see it. I exhaled deeply.

After a few minutes of untangling myself I attempted again to try and find my way out. Falling in the bush had really disoriented me and I was having a lot of trouble finding my way. I heard a twig snap behind me and I whirled around.

Nothing.

I continued to walk and ignored my heart that was beating too quickly as well as the beads of sweat that were forming and especially how rapidly I was breathing. I was fine. The beast was gone, it had run away. I looked around frantically trying to see something I remembered on my way in. I sighed and fell to the ground. Purposely this time. I was tired and my legs were sore and I knew I was never going to get out of the forest because I was uncoordinated and clumsy and _stupid_. I was a baby just like Jake said. "JAKE! HELP!" I screamed. I heard rustling behind me and I whipped around standing up.

"Bella! It's just me! Put that rock down you idiot!" Jakes huge body had emerged from what seemed like thin air. I dropped the rock I'd picked up to the ground and rushed over to him almost knocking him over doing so. I hugged him and kept saying sorry and I am a baby and I am dependant and I was just so sorry. "Shhh, Bella don't do this. It was my fault okay? Don't worry about it." He rubbed my hair and planted little kisses on the top of my head making me feel safe again. I couldn't be scared when I was with Jacob, it was pretty much impossible.

It angered me how quickly we reached the side of the road. Jake seemed unnerved and calm the entire way and barely even missed a step while I was sweating and nervous and stumbling over everything. Jake slowed to keep pace with me and in no time at all we were back at the road. We climbed back into the rabbit and we started on our way home again. The radio was off and we were holding hands, it was as if nothing had even happened.

I was staring at Jakes face and I couldn't help but realize how even though he hurt me everything was fine now. I didn't even feel angry the slightest bit. I'd almost been killed my some beast in the forest yet anytime the monster crept into my thoughts Jake's hand would give me a comforting squeeze. It was like Jake could read my mind.

His hair was in his eyes and his jaw was set in determination. I looked at his arms and shoulders and the muscle could easily be spotted. His russet coloured skin was stretched across the tight muscles in such perfect I wanted to just kiss his arms and shoulders and jaw. I couldn't help it. I was _very _attracted to him. His skin, his muscle, I had longed to touch his stomach and back ever since we went swimming together one time. He was so perfectly shaped I couldn't help staring.

He was paying a lot of attention to the road which annoyed me. I wanted him to look at me. I wanted him to be thinking the same things I was thinking about him. I wanted him to think the leaves and dirt in my hair was cute, or that me being a klutz made him nervous because he had to always look out for me. I snuggled a bit closer towards him, the gear shift in the middle making it a bit uncomfortable but I really wanted his attention.

His hand tightened around mine again and I could feel my veins throbbing from his touch. It wasn't pain it was complete pleasure. I reacted to his touch uncontrollably; hot flashes would flow through me when he touched me in certain places. I always felt hot and warm and comfortable with him.

It was still silent and Jake was still staring out the windshield onto the plain, ordinary asphalt. Maybe the asphalt was more interesting then me. Probably. I tried looking out at the road as well, maybe I'd see what was captivating him. After about 30 seconds I realized that there was absolutely nothing to look at but green trees and grey road. I was frustrated and I felt immature. I was being childish, I mean who gets jealous over a stupid road?

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	15. Cold Like Rock

I was in my bed and was wearing very sexy black lingerie with pink lace. Then I heard a shuffle and I looked towards the door. Nothing was there so I looked towards the window and there the dark looming silhouette of Jacob could be seen. I smiled and stretched seductively. He wasn't wearing a shirt which was fine by me because he had a beautiful body. Nice abs and strong arms and his skin was so perfect. He came onto the bed and held me. He was so hot and his arms were so strong that it felt amazing to have him on me. I turned and kissed his nose softly and we looked in each others eyes. His dark eyes seemed so magical and hardly the least bit scary. I felt hot and I could feel my body begin to sweat but I would never let go. Never. He leaned in and we kissed again. Short soft kisses that quickly turned aggressive and urgent. He was still holding me very carefully but I was tired of being careful, I was passionate and I wanted him everywhere. I was twirling my hands through his hair, right at the back of the neck and he moaned quietly. I worked my way down to his lower back and waist. He seemed to react to that and then his hands went to my lower back and they thrust me forward. Our lips moved together and we rarely came up for breath. We were so connected and so passionate it felt so amazing. I was hot and sweaty and I'd never felt better.

Then I felt a cold gust of wind that hit my bare skin hard. I snuggled closer to Jakes body and was surprised to find the warmth was gone. Replaced by cold. Cold like a rock. I looked up and was gazing into the topaz eyes of another.

I awoke with a start. I wasn't screaming. I felt my shirt and could feel cold sweat. I was cold now which made me feel weird. I felt like crying but I felt like laughing and smiling and jumping up and down all at the same time.

I walked to the bathroom and washed my face quickly. It was only 5 but I wasn't sure how I felt and if I could go back to sleep let alone if I wanted to. I looked into the mirror. It was early but I didn't have bags and I didn't feel overly tired. I couldn't get the dream out of my head. It was all I could think about. It had felt so—real. It felt exactly how it had felt before. The Jacob thing no, but when—_he _came into the dream I really felt like I was snuggled into his chest. Just like how it used to be.

I wiped away the stupid tears that managed to slip my eyes. I threw my hair up in a messy bun and returned to my room. I put on a lose pair of jeans and an old t-shirt and made my way downstairs. Charlie was probably still sleeping. It was a Sunday and he'd gone fishing yesterday so I doubt he'd have much to do today.

I wasn't hungry so I didn't bother forcing food into my stomach I simply walked straight outside. The wind was warming and I was shocked to see that there were very few clouds in the sky and that the sun was rising and looking very welcoming. I darted back inside to grab _Wuthering Heights_ and then made my way outside. I grabbed a chair and sat down facing the sunrise.

It felt good to just sit and read. I was surprised at how easily I was able to put away the dream for a moment and get caught up in the world of _Wuthering Heights_. I read for a while gazing at the rising sun until it was no longer a beautiful shade of reddish pink and orange and purple and yellow but just the normal sun in the morning. It was around 6 by now but I didn't have any homework or anything to do really. I was cooking my special meal for Charlie tonight but Jake wasn't coming by until later on in the day. I thought about calling him to come over earlier remembering the dream I'd had last night, but decided it would be best to simply have a day to myself to sit and reflect and read a book I'd read _many _times before.

"So Dad, any plans for tonight?" I asked while he was reading the paper.

"No why?"

"Well, there's a game on a I thought maybe you'd like to go and watch it with Billy?" I tried to sound indifferent but I was a lousy liar and I could see that Charlie noticed.

"How did you know there was a game?"

"You know—Jake told me." I could feel a bit of warmth reaching my cheeks.

"Well—I guess that sounds alright, are you going to come too then? See Jacob?" Charlie said realized what he 'thought' my plan was.

"Actually, I was thinking Jake would come here." I said it slowly but realized after the words had come out that that was _not _something a father wanted to hear.

"Sorry, you want to hang out with Jake. Here. Alone. Today." He mumbled the words and looked at me with a raised eyebrow, "I don't think that's the best idea." I tried to remain calm but I hated it when Charlie tried to be fatherly. He usually just went along with it, especially when it came to Jake. He owed Jacob a _lot_. "But dad, Jake doesn't want to hang around his house because—he doesn't have to work on anything in the garage right now. He said he wants to maybe just drive around and pick up some stuff for a project—he is going to work on—in the future." Yup that was what I actually said. Charlie rolled his eyes. "Maybe." He stood up and walked away upstairs probably so he could call up Billy. He thought I didn't know when he had his little exciting phone calls towards Billy. They were like women in the sense that they thought they actually knew exactly what Jake and I did. They were always _very _far off on the few occasions I eavesdropped.

3 o'clock rolled around and I'd managed to convince Charlie that Jacob and I weren't going to be doing 'stuff' and that Charlie would be home in time for dinner and that Jake and I were only going to be alone for a few hours and that it was fine. So, in short Charlie was gone and Jake had just pulled up. I opened the door and took a deep breath. "You're kind of beautiful you know that?" Jake said to me pulling me into a hug. I felt like squealing, I always felt like a little girl when I was with Jake. I kissed him lightly on the lips and he closed the door. It was like yesterday had never happened which was fine by me.

We got started right away, well _I _got started right away. Jake just sat down and entertained me with stupid stories and jokes. We stayed away from the werewolf topics as well as the other topics. It was just like how it used to be.

I finished making the meal earlier then I though. I wrapped it and put it in the fridge to cool for an hour like the recipe said and then turned to Jake. We looked at each other in silence, locked in a staring contest. Before I knew it we were in my room on my bed making out. Our hands were all over each other. I giggled remembering my stupid dream. Jake was just as hot now as he was in the dream. I pulled away to catch a breath but Jake continued, kissing my jaw and neck his hand on my lower back exactly where I liked it best. One of my hands was in his hair the other on his chest as I found his lips and we began to kiss again. I have to admit it was pretty—nice.

After a while we ended up just sitting on the bed and we were simply cuddling. He was holding me and I had on just a tank top and shorts and I still felt a bit hot. "Bella—I'm so sorry for everything. How I've acted in the past—just all of it. I'm not proud of who—and _what _I've been but I'm going to make it up to you. I'm always going to be here no matter what, I promise you that. Okay?" The words were so simple yet I felt this strong urge to cry. "Promise?" I barely whispered.

"Promise." He said sincerely. I snuggled deeper into his chest and his arms wrapped tighter around me. I couldn't believe what I was doing and a wave of nausea hit me as I realized there had only ever been one other boy on this bed. I quickly pushed the nausea out of my mind and ignored the feeling that rested in my stomach.

I breathed deeply, inhaling the scent of Jacob and when I looked up his eyes were closed. He always seemed so exhausted lately. I wanted to ask but then again, he looked really peaceful so I didn't bother. I let myself drift off into sleep knowing it'd be okay because I had lost a few hours this morning…

"Bells?" I heard Charlie call from downstairs. I leapt from my bed awakening Jacob easily. "Bells!"

"Yeah Dad, I'm coming!" I made my way downstairs. "Hey Dad, how'd the game go?"

"It was pretty good. What's for dinner?" Charlie, never wasted any time.

"Well, I thought I'd make something special. That's why I wanted you to leave! Well, I just need to put it back in the oven to warm for about 10 minutes and then we're ready to eat!" I smiled and set the temperature on the oven.

"Aw Bella, you didn't have to do that!" I could tell he was pleased, he probably hadn't had a good meal in a while. I felt guilty, why had I let things get this bad? I shrugged it off and turned towards the doorway where Jacob had just emerged. "Hey Charlie." He said nodding towards Charlie.

"Oh hey Jake! You—uh staying?" Charlie asked tentatively. I knew he'd rather have the whole meal to himself, Jake's appetite had _definitely _gotten quite large lately.

"Nah, this is just for you two. I'll see you later, bye Bella." He nodded towards me and I smiled back. I wanted to run over and kiss him goodbye but it didn't feel right with Charlie being there. Jake and I were private. I wasn't ready to tell the world. Not yet.

**(Please review! It really helps with my writing guys!! And thanks to all of those who do review and a special thanks to MaddilynCarol who always keeps me going******** )**


	16. Alive

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It was going to be a good day. I could tell. I could feel it within my body I could feel it in my heart and everywhere. I felt like running around and smiling and shouting I LOVE YOU to everyone, which was definitely not something I did everyday.

I woke up with the sun coming through my window, the second time which was the first clue that the day was going to be amazing. I rose from my bed and for once decided to make it and clean my room up a bit. It didn't look spotless but it was good enough.

After showering and washing my face and doing my hair, and by doing my hair I mean brushing it, I changed into shorts and a long sleeved black shirt. I hadn't worn shorts in a while so I was in an even better mood by the time I made it downstairs to eat breakfast. Charlie was still asleep, I had heard him snoring. I decided to make something special.

"Mornin' Bells." Charlie mumbled as he entered the kitchen.

"Hey Dad!" I said brightly. Charlie looked around and furrowed his brow.

"What's cooking?"

"Pancakes, nothing special." I said as I flipped the last one, "here, sit and eat these, they're hot and fresh and I also have fruit, I don't know how good it is but it seems okay and I tried some and it taste fine too so that's good, plus here is the syrup and butter is to your left and oh, I forgot orange juice, just let--,"

"Bella! Breathe! What's all this for?"

"I just want today to be a good day, I have a feeling it will be so I'm just making the most of it." I smiled and grabbed the orange juice and poured two glasses.

Normally Charlie and I sat in silence, he read the newspaper and I a book but today we had a light conversation. Not something stupid like the weather, but you know, school, a little bit of the future and then we began talking about stuff like great vacations we'd taken and interesting little memories. It was nice, Charlie and I hadn't spoken with such detail in a while and I felt completely guilty for that. I mean I'd been a complete zombie the past few months and just when I was beginning to get better I started on a rollercoaster of ups and downs which probably almost killed Charlie. I remember when he wanted me to go home. I'd never felt so awful. He thought that he was the one making the mistakes, and that I was feeling the way I was feeling because of him. It broke my heart _again _but not just because of that, but also because even after that incident I still couldn't bring myself back to life. I couldn't even do it for Charlie. I had been so weak and helpless and immature and it took Jacob, my knight in shining armor, someone I couldn't picture my life without anymore to come to my rescue and save me.

"Thanks again Bella, that was great!" Charlie said tapping his full belly appreciatively. I smiled and began clearing up which took longer then I would prefer but it was okay because it was going to be a great day.

2 hours later I was in Jake's rabbit and we were driving to La Push beach. I was really excited. I was happy to be doing something fun and without stress or anything. Just a free day, no cooking for Charlie or doing the laundry or worrying about stupid things it was just me. Me and Jake. The way I liked it.

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"Alright, so—wait did you bring a bathing suit?" Jake asked me. We were holding hands. "Duh, we _are _going to a beach right?" I was wearing a cute bathing suit I'd brought from Pheonix, it was white (not see through) with red bows on the sides. It made me feel very—well sexy. I felt a pang at the fact that I had always anticipated that _he _would be the one to see me in it. I pushed the feeling away and smiled up at Jake. He was looking very tired but still, he put his arms around me protectively holding me against his body. We stepped out of the car and I could've squealed with happiness. The sun was shining. Just for us.

"Can you believe it? Sun in Forks!?" I was ecstatic. I grabbed my beach bag with sunscreen and a towel and a few snacks I brought along. Jake's appetite had _definitely _grown since—well. I slung the bag over my shoulder and gazed around at the beach. There were a few people around. Some on the beach tanning others swimming and squealing with glee. Others just sat on the driftwood. I smiled and turned back to find Jake. I looked frantically around trying to find him but he seemed to have disappeared. I panicked for a moment terrified that he left. Then I felt his warm hand slip into mine as he smiled at me. "Just had to check in quickly, sorry."

"Check in with whom?" I asked as we began to walk to find a place on the beach. He didn't speak which unsettled me but I didn't want to push it. I knew there were certain things he didn't feel like discussing. He being a werewolf was a big one. "Bella—you know that thing—the thing in the forest that day?" I shuddered as I recalled the awful memory. I didn't think he'd seen the beast. I was glad, it was absolutely terrifying. "Yeah what about it?" I said barely audible.

"It was me. That _is _me as—as a—," I was a second away from letting go of his hand and sprinting in the opposite direction. He was the beast. The monster who I'd thought was going to kill me. Instead I stopped walking, turned to Jacob and stared at him. Not with accusing eyes, I was so full of sadness for him. I knew the monsters eyes weren't scary, they were sad and sorry. "Bella I--," he began. I wrapped my arms around his waist and held him tight never wanting to let go. "Jake it doesn't matter. I don't care, I am always here for you even if you are a hairy beast!" I smiled trying to lighten the situation. I felt Jakes chin move on my head, I had made him smile which made everything seem okay. "Come on! I'll race you into the water!" I said stripping off my tank top and shorts. Jake laughed and did the same and we sprinted for the water. With his gigantic limbs he easily caught up with me and was easily able to pick me up in a warm embrace until we landed together in the water. "AHH!" I screamed. It was freezing! Like sitting in an icebox.

"Here." He wrapped his arms around me tighter and even though we were still sitting in the water I was warm. His arms were able to wrap around me and keep me warm and calm. I leaned in and we kissed lightly. I felt amazing. Cold and hot and safe and reckless all mixed into a perfect day. We broke apart and I leaned back and let myself float a bit. He kept his arms securely upon my waist not letting me get away from him. "That's a very cute bathing suit by the way." I smiled but didn't open my eyes. It was the most perfect moment and nothing could ruin it. I leaned back and began to kiss Jacob again. His lips were irresistible. Warm and soft and every time I touched them it felt—incredible. I broke apart and looked briefly in the distance. Something was flickering, shining beautifully as the sun hit it just right. Jake's body tensed and he shot his head around to stare in the spot where the beautiful light just vanished.

"What?"

"Nothing…" He mumbled.

We got out of the water and began to walk to our towels to dry off. He wrapped my large beach towel around us and in minutes I was _very _dry. We sunk to the sand still managing to remain close to each other. "How did you—you know, check in?" Jake immediately looked uncomfortable again but I was curious. "When we—phase into—well we can _see _each other's minds. It's really weird I know but, well it's what we can do."

"I think that's cool!" I said. We were wrapped in the towel and facing each other, it felt so intimate yet so easygoing, not pressure.

"Not exactly. When I say see I mean—everything. Like, say I think about how I'm looking at you right now, and I think about that while I'm phased, they can all see it. It's really hard to control my thoughts too, especially when they're—well about—you." I was speechless. I wanted to cry I was so flattered. I leaned forward and kissed the tip of his nose. I squirmed and flipped my body around so his body was shaped around mine. I loved being close to something so warm, it just felt so—alive.

We had fallen asleep on the beach and my mind had wandered again. I was dreaming and bits and pieces were flowing in and out. Jake's face which would turn into Edwards. I didn't like it. I didn't like how Jake's smiling face would morph into _his, _it made me uneasy like there was a triangle. It wasn't like that. Not anymore. Jake was what I focused on now, or tried to. I tried to put all my effort into him, all my love to him. When I finally woke up and rolled over hoping to feel Jake's warm body against mine I was shocked to feel nothing. I rose quickly cracking my back awkwardly. It seemed every time I couldn't see him I became nervous. I imagined being in the woods and feeling vulnerable. It helped to know that Jake had felt even _more _vulnerable that day. It comforted me in a way to know that I could be there for him and make him feel as good as he made me feel.

I stood up, it was still during the day and even though clouds were forming above me the sun still shone brightly. I smiled what a trooper. He was probably checking in again, why he was checking in so frequently made me nervous but I pushed the thought away and headed for the water. There weren't too many chances to go swimming with the sun beating down lately.

I saw others splashing and laughing and smiled. It was nice to look around and see life and happiness when sometimes inside I could feel so dead. I had Jake and I knew that he would never abandon me but the question was always yelling at the back of my mind. _What if he came back?_ What would I do? The question brought tears to my eyes so I pushed it away from me and dove under the water. It was cold but refreshing allowing my thoughts to freeze so I could just have my head clear for a moments time. As I resurfaced I closed my eyes and stood there letting the sun shine on each water droplet that was on my skin.

"Bella!" I heard someone shout my name and I gazed toward the beach. Jake was galloping towards me, his long gangly legs made him look very stupid. He jumped in and went beneath me tugging me underwater. I giggled underwater the sound making me laugh harder. I always felt young and childish with Jake. I was always free of seriousness and decisions and choices. I loved it that way. He resurfaced and we played, yes, we _played _in the water. Jumping around like four years, dunking each other and splashing one another. It had turned out to be an amazing day and when the clouds finally overcame the sun I sighed. The first rain droplets of the day blended in with the salty ones already on my skin and Jacob and I made for the beach and began to pack up.

Once in the car I sat close to Jacob and pulled him in for a kiss before he could get the car started. We kissed for a long time, the rain outside getting harder as our kisses became more urgent. I loved kissing him.

**(Please review.)**


	17. A Slow Day

**17**

**(This is a long one, and just a reminder I don't own the characters of Twilight)**

Jacob and I were attached at the hip. I knew Charlie was torn. I could tell that at some moments, as he watched Jake and I on the coach watching some stupid sitcom that we both would make fun of laughing and giggling the whole time, that he was really glad that someone had managed to bring me back to who I was. But then other times, like when he came home and dinner was late and then he saw Jake slump down the stairs and leave with a wave, that he had the father figure about him again. I knew it was all apart of love, Charlie cared for me and that made me really happy but if he did _anything _to take Jake away from me—I shuddered to think of how lifeless I would be if I had lost another part of me. I already was broken; I didn't want to hurt anymore. I _couldn't _hurt anymore.

We called each other a lot, whether during the day to figure out plans or in the morning to tell the other to wake up or even in the middle of the night when a stupid idea or cool thought struck us. I liked being able to have someone I could tell a lot to. The thought that maybe our relationship was a friendly one had crept into my mind a few times, but then later on when I would see him my heart would flutter and I would crave to touch his face or kiss him or anything.

Today was a slow day. Something was going on at the reservation, nothing serious, so Jake was tied up for the next couple of nights. I was bummed but I vowed not to get too down or laze around all day. I did have other friends. I recalled the slumber party and laughed, I had been happy, if only for a little while. That night had really opened my eyes, it was what made me go to Jake, it was what made me realize that yes, I was somebody who depended on those around me at times. Who didn't?

After doing the usual things, like laundry, dishes, cleaning the house from top to bottom I ran out of options. Charlie was having a pot luck with his buddies at the station and he'd even asked if I'd like to come, I knew he was worried about me being alone. I had smiled and declined knowing I'd go insane watching them joke around, play cards and attempt to make small talk with me. I knew if I'd gone I would've been anti-social, sitting in a corner with a book trying to keep myself distracted.

It was 5:30 (I had been checking the clock frequently), still much too early to attempt to sleep. I groaned realizing how pitiful this all was. I went to my room and turned on my computer. I remember always playing stupid games on the internet when I had been younger. It was always very time consuming. The computer took forever to start and it took me another ten minutes before I actually found a site and game I was interested in playing. It was called Bubble Trouble and it seemed pretty addicting so I clicked start and prepared myself. The aim was to hit the bubbles and not allow them to touch you. Unfortunately, my computer was much too slow and it kept freezing making it impossible to hit the bubbles before they would come crashing down and hit me first. "ARGH!" I moaned in frustration. Turning the computer off. The poor thing was probably a day away from breaking because I usually turned it off my just flicking a bottom instead of going through the process in a nicer way. I would feel guilty…but I didn't.

"Bella?"

"Hey Dad!" I called too brightly. I was taking desperate measures now hoping Charlie would have a good idea on what to do.

"The pot luck was delicious, but—I still like your cooking better!" He said smiling.

"Oh Dad." I said blushing. I sat down in the living room and he followed me shortly. He looked a little uncomfortable as he sat down. "Don't worry Dad you can watch the game, I wasn't planning on watching anything." I said lightheartedly. He smiled obviously relieved. I didn't know it was actually possible for there to be so many 'games' on, or maybe it was just the fact that Charlie watched _everything_! From basketball to football to soccer which was in my opinion extremely boring. "Well, actually, the game that's on is just some stupid one, do you want to watch a movie?" He grinned hopefully. I panicked. "Umm—which one did you have in mind?" I asked faking a smile. He surprised me when he held out a suspense thriller. He was holding Panic Room in his hand. He winked at me with a knowing smile and I had a strong urge to hug him. I couldn't believe that my dad was kind enough to actually understand this. I was having trouble understanding it all. I was grateful that I was with Charlie during this. Well a bit of me still longed for Renée and her women advice telling me that I was strong and that I was better then him, but it was nice that Charlie didn't push for details. We had an understanding and now that I was better I knew that he was a big part of my recovery. I also loved that if it had been Renée I'd be stuck watching a horrible chick flick romance that would've sent me running instead of this complete thriller with only the love of a mother and daughter. I was _very _relieved.

The next morning I woke up early from going to bed at around 10. I was annoyed because it was easier to be asleep then be up and try to think of things to do. I decided that it would be a good day to give Angela a call. She always made me feel better and she was a great person to hang out with. I struggled with her number cursing my forgetful mind but soon enough I was in my truck on my way to her house that had been quite comforting in the past. Well, the one time I'd actually been there. I smiled to myself recalling the—odd night I had with all the girls. It felt strange to think there was a world that existed outside of the craziness that was my life. It was myths and creatures and fantasies that made my day. Every time I left the safety of Jake's arms I felt like I was stepping out of a porthole and then entering the real world. I didn't like to think of it like that but that's how it just turned out.

I pulled up onto the driveway and hesitated slightly before exiting my truck. I knocked on the door three times and waited. Angela greeted me with a tentative smile, "hey," we both muttered. I entered and we walked slowly towards the kitchen. I never felt awkward with Angela. We both accepted the fact that silences were okay and didn't need to be filled with pointless chatter. "Do you want anything?" She asked quietly. I was always used to Angela being on the quiet and shy side but something seemed off. "I'll have water please." I said politely. I sat down at a stool and folded my arms atop the granite island that stood in the middle of the kitchen. She grabbed a glass and began to pour water in. She seemed to tune out for the water began to overflow. "Oh," she gasped as the icy water flowed down the glass hitting her hands and falling to the floor.

I instantly knew something was up. "Angela, are you okay?" I made sure to say are you okay. I hated it when people asked me what was wrong. What if I wasn't interested in telling them? _"Oh it's nothing, my vampire friend abandoned me so I was pretty torn up, but don't worry because my werewolf best friend came to the rescue, it's no big deal, it's a normal thing falling for mythical creatures..." _I frowned slightly at the idea. I didn't like thinking about how insane my life sounded. Angela looked at me. She blinked once, twice and then her eyes began to well up with tears. I panicked briefly. It was strange that I wasn't the one in need, that for once I wasn't the victim. It was strange knowing that I'd have to be a hero. I'd have to be Superman. I jumped off the stool and ran over to her stumbling a bit on the way. I didn't say anything I just grabbed her in a hug. I broke off and brushed away a couple of fallen tears and led her to her coach. I sat her down and hugged her again. She was crying a little bit harder now. I was holding her, in a very friendly way, stroking her hair softly. Soon she was sobbing and it shocked me that Angela, who usually kept to herself, was actually producing such sounds. "Shh, it's alright, shh, it's okay…" I murmured. I had to say that I felt bad for Jake.

I couldn't imagine trying to hold someone and try to understand why you were holding them in the first place. Angela wasn't half as bad as I had been—I couldn't believe how bad it had gotten. I stopped reminiscing to focus on Angela, this was about her. We stayed like that for another ten minutes or so but I didn't push her at all, her sobs were the kind you could control. The kind you tried to fight words through but never could because even the simplest of words would get swallowed by the sobs that would erupt from your chest. It was sad to see her struggle to find words but unable to express them. She was hurting and all I wanted to do was comfort her. Soon her tears began to slow and soon she was just sniffling. When she pulled away from my embrace I reached up to my face to wipe away the few tears that had escaped. I was a sucker when others cried. I couldn't not cry when I saw someone else in pain. When she was finally completely calm and she looked more like herself she began her story.

"It's Ben. It's--," she sighed. I couldn't believe that all of this was over Ben, _Ben!_ I mean, they were perfect for each other, I always believed that they'd grow up and get married and be the cutest couple who were so in love that you felt overwhelmed with hope and happiness whenever you saw them together walking down the street. I didn't say anything, not wanting to screw up her train of thought. "He—well Jessica really--," I felt my eyes widen. _Jessica!?_ What the hell? "I was away, out of town at this thing, it was an art show and they were showing my art," she smiled, I hadn't realized she did art. I felt a pang of guilt, "And Ben said he was sick and couldn't come to the show, so well—I believed him of course, I mean it's Ben!" She let out a breath of angry air as she tried to calm herself, "I mean how naïve do you have to be? Right, like this is just—all of it is just--," she took a deep breath, "anyway, so I won second prize and I immediately went to Ben's house to show him right. His mom said he was at Jessica's," her voice was quiet again and she wouldn't make eye contact with me any longer. I on the other hand was staring at her incredulously, Jessica—and Ben!? I couldn't piece it all together, none of it made sense. I rearranged my features into something more appropriate, a face of more compassion and care. "I was confused but of course I didn't think anything of it, they must've just been hanging out, I mean they were friends right? So I decided to go over—I mean, I had my suspicions but _I _didn't want to be the bad friend and assume the worst." She shook her head in disbelief as she recalled memories. She didn't continue and I didn't ask her too. We sat in silence as I tried to picture what she saw. I couldn't, I seriously could _not _imagine Jessica and Ben—together.

I reached for her hand and held it tightly. She looked up at me and I saw new tears glistening in her eyes. "What did I do?" Those four words made me cringe. I'd been asking myself that question one too many times. I pulled her in for a hug again. "Angela you didn't do anything. You are an amazing person who doesn't need to hang around with complete airheads of friends, you don't need floozies in your life and you need stable people who can support you and be there whenever you need them." I said rubbing her back. "Like who?" She said staring me straight in the eye. I cringed away from her stare. Her eyes pierced me and made me so ashamed. "Oh Ang I'm so sorry!" I looked to the ground shame faced. I had abandoned her. I hadn't been there, who knew how long she'd been harboring all this pain with no one to talk to it about. "Ang when was the art show? When did all this happen?"

"Two weeks ago." She whispered. I felt like I might faint. Two weeks. Two weeks. It could've been worse I thought. It could've been months. "Angela I swear, I will never let that happen again, but—why didn't you call?"

"Same reason you didn't." She didn't accuse me, she just simply stated it. I had never felt so connected with someone, other then Jake of course. We sat in silence. Her pain I knew couldn't compare to what I felt—what I was _feeling _at the moment but still, pain like this was all the same at one level or another.

"What happened Angela?" I finally said. I wanted to understand exactly _what _was hurting her.

"I showed up at Jessica's and her mom answered the door. She of course thinks so highly of her daughter, never assumed that allowing a boy in her room would be a problem. Said they were upstairs—get this, 'studying'. I walked up the stairs excited, I mean, Jessica was kind of my best friend you know, we'd been talking a lot lately I guess so it was just the last thing I'd expected. I mean just as I opened the door I was like, stupid Angela. The boy you love and the girl you love would obviously _never _do anything; they loved you too didn't they?" She looked at me with pleading eyes. I couldn't say anything, what do you say to something that sad and depressing? "I walked in and they—were making out. I mean, Ben and Jessica? Stupid, stupid, stupid…" she muttered.

"Angela—honestly—have you talked to either of them?"

"Ben has called me every night since then. I haven't picked up. I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm so—angry Bella! I've never had such anger towards another person—ever!"

"I know honey, people can do that to you. It hurts I know it does." I said realizing the situation was a little too familiar for my liking, "What about Jessica? Has she called?" The few tears on the brim of her eyelids bubbled over. She brushed them away quickly. "No." I felt winded, how could Jessica do this to someone as sweet and loving as Angela.

"See, I think that maybe giving Ben a chance to explain would be nice but Jessica on the other hand—Angela you can do better in the friendship department. I can't see a reason for Jessica to do this other then to be cruel. Ben and Jessica have _nothing _in common, it just doesn't add up!" I tried to convince Angela to see the situation. Jessica had to be up to something here. It was all just crazy; there was no way Ben would actually _willingly _crawl into the claws of Jessica. "I know you're right. Just right now I'm angry at him and I want to be completely cool and calm before I talk to him, I'd hate to say something I regret you know?" She said simply. That made sense; I wish I had that kind of logic. Unfortunately I was a do it now kind of person.

"I'll talk to Ben tonight actually. He'll call just like always. It's just, I haven't talked to _anyone _about this because well—I'm terrified someone will go and spill to Jess, I know you won't." She said sincerely. I knew I wouldn't either. Jessica and Mike and all the others seemed very insignificant lately. They seemed childish and just—too normal for my liking. I hid a chuckle behind a cough as I thought about that. "That's really good, I know you and Ben are meant for each other and everything will turn out well. Call me right after you get off the phone with him okay? Either tonight or tomorrow. You guys will work it out, there has to be an explanation for it all." Angela smiled and I watched as she tuned out to ponder it for a moment. I didn't mind her tuning out to think about that, God only knows how many times I would drown out the world to explore the inner workings of my mind. I smiled as I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV flipping through the channels casually. It felt good to be here with Angela. It felt good to be a hero.

**(Long Chapter, hope you still liked it. I've always REALLY liked Angela and I wanted to give her character a little more then just being quiet and shy and simple…Please review)**


	18. Be Safe

**18**

I pulled up my driveway feeling a little nervous after my afternoon with Angela. It was very weird to see her so--unlike the usual Angela I'd see at school. Quiet and shy. I was nervous to hear from her later on about the conversation with Ben. I was terrified that they wouldn't get back together. If Ben and Angela weren't together did love exist at all?

I shook my head. Of course love existed.

"Dad?" No answer. I wondered where he was. I stepped into the kitchen and gasped.

"BELLA!"

"JAKE!" I ran over and he picked me up in vice tight bear hug. I was grinning hugely. I hadn't seen him in a few days and he looked exhausted.

"You look tired." I scolded. He shrugged.

"I'm fine, how are you?"

"Great! I saw Angela today." I wanted to ask about what was going on at the reservation but I didn't bother because Jake looked dead on his feet. "Here, come sleep." I said taking his hand and leading him up to my room. I thought it would look awful if Charlie was maybe asleep in his bed or reading a book and hadn't heard me call. I shivered imagining him barging into my room seeing his only daughter in bed with a boy.

"Nooo!" He protested, "I want to talk to you, I haven't seen you in a while."

"You can talk to me when you feel awake." I opened my door and pulled him onto my bed. I could feel him trying to wiggle away but only half heartedly. "Sleep." I said.

He slipped his arm around me and I cuddled into his chest. He held me tightly and soon his breathing became slow and steady and he snored softly. I turned so I was being completely cradled in him arms. I breathed in his scent. It was wonderful. Like the woods which suited him perfectly considering he spent so much time in it. Whether as a human _or _werewolf.

The door opening downstairs woke me up in a jolt. I looked over and saw Jake's body was missing. I stumbled downstairs and saw Jake soaking wet from the outside with clenched teeth and the bitter mask on his face. I was scared. "What's wrong?" I whispered. He shook his head and I took in his shaking frame. I wanted to be afraid because of Emily, because of the way Paul and Jake fought but I couldn't be. I was strong for Jake. I walked cautiously towards him and put my arms around his waist. My vision blurred from the tremors flowing through him.

They slowed instantly and I felt his warm arms pull me close. "Can you tell me? I don't mean to sound nosy but I—I just--,"

"Bella I can't not now."

"Jake that's not fair." I sounded childish but I didn't care because he and I both knew it wasn't fair for him to keep things from me.

"I will tell you, just not now. I have to go." He let go of me and was out the door. It took me a moment to recollect my thoughts. I flew out the door behind him. "JAKE!" I called I tried to jump off the porch stairs with some grace but instead I caught myself on the mat and was falling towards the muddy ground. I heard Jacob's laugh but it wasn't the usual throaty laugh, it was a little tense. "Typical Bella, always on your face." He hadn't let me fall and I was again folded up within his embrace. He kissed my head. "I really have to go and please don't follow because you'll get lost in the--," he stopped and coughed; "I'll call you and talk to you later okay?" He still had bags under his eyes. I wondered how long he'd actually slept. I pulled in his face and kissed him full on the lips. I was angry that he was rushing off all tense and nervous while he left me alone in my house. By myself. Without protection. Thanks. I could feel his smile spread as we kissed and then he pulled away. I could feel my eyebrows pulling together with anger and concern.

"Bye Bells, be safe, okay?" The words cut through me like several knives. I couldn't breathe. I smiled and waved to Jake as he turned to leave; or at least I tried to smile.

Once I was within the protection of my house I fell to the floor. The hole had been ripped open with two stupid, _stupid _words. I couldn't understand why I was all of a sudden hurting again. I hadn't felt this intensity of pain in a while and I didn't like the fact that Charlie could come home and see me crumpled on the floor. I wasn't crying, I was done crying but I was attempting to hold myself together. Where was Jacob when I needed him most?

The thought of Jacob out there took my thoughts elsewhere. I just wanted him to be okay. Whatever was encroaching on the werewolves territory made me nervous and unsettled. But it took my mind away from thoughts I'd rather keep locked up.

What could possibly be happening? I didn't think too hard knowing Jake would call me, or even better just come and see me himself, and fill me in on what was going on. There couldn't be some huge war going on…right?

Charlie stepped into the house and I heard him put away his fishing gear. All else was drowned out by the rain coming down outside. It was raining so heavily I couldn't help but be terrified for the werewolves. All of them were probably—cold? Maybe… I doubted it. What with their fur and strangely high temperatures.

"Dinner is in the fridge, I'll just heat it up for you now." I muttered. I wasn't really all here at the moment. I'd tried hard not to think about what was going on all day, until I heard howling in the distance. Then the rain came and it thundered for a bit, I was probably hallucinating with the howling but it still unnerved me. I had even tried and took my mind off Jake by worrying about a more secure person like Charlie. "How was fishing Dad?"

"Humph," he grumbled, "Awful! We were out all morning and nothing bit. Then just when we thought they'd start biting this storm picked up!" He gestured to the window and rolled his eyes muttering under his breath a bit more, "had to drive back to the Clearwater's." I sighed in relief, grateful Charlie hadn't been stuck in the storm shivering under a tree.

"Well that's alright, you can go fishing again soon." I said brightly trying to lighten his mood. After the microwave beeped I put his dinner on the table and then returned to my room. I knew I should've probably hung around and attempted small talk with Charlie but it wouldn't have made a difference. My head was in the clouds and Charlie was still a bit grumpy. Neither of us would've made good company.

The ringing phone pierced the air and amazingly I flew down the stairs tripping and falling on my face at the bottom, but still managed to arrive at the phone before Charlie could. He looked at me strangely but then returned to his meal. "Jake!?" I said breathlessly.

"Oh, sorry to disappoint, do you want me--,"

"Angela! Hi! Sorry, I'm just, ahem, waiting for someone to call later. But I can talk! Did you speak with Ben?" I asked. I hurried to change the subject and drift away from Jacob. I didn't like lying to Angela; mostly because she could see right through it.

"Yeah, I did!" She sounded happy, a good sign.

"And?" I prompted.

"Oh Bella it all makes sense now! Are you comfortable? This might be long." I flopped onto a chair and pulled my knees up to my chest.

"Shoot."

"So Mike and Jessica had been dating again, did you know? Anyway," she continued not waiting for my response, "Mike ended up breaking up with her again, but technically they weren't _together, _just dating but you know Jess, always the drama queen," she said this with a cold chill in her tone, "she was grumpy but wouldn't tell anybody why, turns out they had been keeping it a secret and no one really knew so she tried to pretend like everything was fine. She was desperate and began to call Ben, ugh," she groaned, "he was uncomfortable but she would bawl to him on the phone and everything so he felt bad and she was my friend and also his so it was the right thing to do. Turns out she was just trying to ruin someone else's relationship because she was so selfish and spoiled and cruel and thought that if she couldn't be happy then no one could!" She paused and took a breath.

It made sense, it really did. I figured that Lauren probably had something to do with this. I mean Angela had been _very _nice to me and well, I wasn't exactly Lauren or Jessica's favorite person.

"She started just coming over whenever and just bawling but she never really told him why, sort of just made things up and well, you can imagine, he just felt awful! So I know what you're thinking, why didn't he tell me, well turns out she didn't really reveal the truth about Mike until I was already away on my trip for my art show. So he never got the chance to explain to me. So it turns out that when I walked in she had, get this, lunged at him and started kissing him. I know this sounds cliché and like a really bad movie but you should've heard Ben. He was so sincere and apologetic I couldn't deny him. So that's that, I felt bad just taking his story so I called Jessica. And get this, she picks up the phone and I ask for her side and she just says, 'Angela stop being such a bitch, just because Ben likes me and not you doesn't mean you have to be SO annoying! Like, geez get a _life_!' I couldn't believe it! But instead of lashing out on her, I simply said, 'what has been going on with you and Mike?' Then it's silent and she just splutters trying to say something and then just starts apologizing and saying she didn't mean anything so I guess she thought I would go around spreading the Mike rumor, which wasn't a big deal anyway and ruin her precious reputation. Then I knew it was all true and I just hung up tired of her apologizing and trying to suck up to me because she got caught."

"Wow! I knew Ben didn't do anything! I just can't believe Jessica! Lauren is really starting to change her. But what about you and Ben?"

"Oh, well obviously it's tough so we're just sort of starting over you know? But I know it'll be fine in the end, we're going on a date tomorrow in Port Angeles so I'm super excited! I've had no one to really talk to lately." I felt guilty that I'd abandoned Angela but it didn't matter because I felt that I'd sort of helped her in a way to figure things out with Ben. "Well Ang, I'm so glad it's all okay! I knew it would be."

"Thanks Bella," We talked a bit longer and then we hung up and I walked back upstairs to my room.

I sat on my bed and had a huge urge to laugh. I was freaking out over my werewolf buddies in the woods chasing who knows what while Angela was still in high school worrying about all the drama that comes with high school. The rumors, the she said he said…to be honest I was kind of glad I didn't have to worry about that sort of stuff. I vowed to stay in touch with Angela so we could stay friends, I never wanted her to feel the sense of abandonment because it was the worst feeling in the world; I'd know.

It was late enough to pass as bed time and I quickly brushed my teeth and got changed and went to bed hoping sleep would claim me quickly.

"Bella! BELLA!" I woke with a start and saw Jake hovering over me hissing my name in attempt to wake me.

"What!?"

"Sleeping beauty _finally _graces me with her presence!" It took me a minute to wake up and become alert.

"Jake?"

"Yes m'lady?" he asked in a fake british accent. I giggled.

"Are you okay?" I asked nervously. I still wasn't completely awake and I caressed his face to make sure he was actually there.

"Yeah, fine, a little tired."

"Okay, what's wrong? What's happening?" He paused and then looked at me nervously. "Jake please just tell me what's going on!"

"Vampires."

That woke me up

**(Hope you liked it. Review.)**


	19. Passion

**19 **

**(I really want everyone to review because it's a great feeling to know people are actually interested in this story. I'm starting to really get into the story and I'm pretty sure I know how it'll end, bear with me…I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS.)**

I was frozen.

Absolutely stuck. Stuck as in motionless, no movement whatsoever. I couldn't even speak although thousands of questions had formulated in my mind. "Bella? Bella, hunny say something. Please." Jake pleaded. I just shook my head trying to regain feeling in my limbs. He stroked my cheek and my hair and pulled me closer. "Let me explain okay? It's all—well it's not really a problem anymore. They're gone." I was surprised at how this didn't affect me. It didn't make me sad. It didn't make me upset or angry. My original act would have been to jump off the bed and yell at Jake for making them go away. That was the old Bella. The Bella who lived in the past and even though I had thought I'd been shutting them out from my head I hadn't been. My head had no longer been the one place I was safe because in the end all of their faces came and went and it hurt. It hurt so much and it still hurt. But I had Jake. I had the way he could make me feel, the way he was able to control my mood and make me happy no matter what. I felt like I had been hurt beyond repair when it had all began yet here it was. He was my savior, my cure. He'd found me and brought me back and I owed him everything.

"Bella? Are you okay, I told you, they're gone, and it's not a problem anymore. I don't think she'll come back soon."

"Okay." It was all I said. It was all I _could_ say. My eyes were pricking with tears but I wouldn't dare let them escape.

Jacob looked at me and I looked at him, he was so beautiful. I was staring at his eyes and I couldn't breathe for a moment. The way he looked at me—I couldn't explain it. He was looking at me and I felt that he could really _see _me. See me in all my broken pieces and all my faults and mistakes but he didn't care. He looked at me with such—love. I felt again the need to cry but didn't because it would most definitely ruin this perfect moment.

He pulled me closer and our faces were now only centimeters apart. I felt my heart accelerate. He pushed a stray piece of hair behind my ear and then he closed the gap between us and kissed me lightly. How did I become so lucky to be graced with such an amazing person? As he began to pull away I pushed further lengthening the kiss. I closed my eyes and we began to kiss more deeply. His soft and warm lips were molded to mine and I intertwined my fingers into his hair. He placed his hands at the small of my back and pulled me closer arching my back slightly. We broke apart, not for long, as we returned to kissing, becoming more and more urgent. I didn't feel hesitant or scared it just felt so good to be so close to someone so safe. It was impossible to imagine him being able to hurt me or anyone for that fact. Jacob could be the one who could protect me from myself. Not only could Jake protect me but he was also capable of saving me from me; from the deep and dark place that I had gone to in hope to numb myself from the world. Who needed the world if it was such an awful place? If Jake was here with me, it made this world that much brighter.

After a rather long and passionate kiss we pulled away and caught our breaths never breaking the stare. We were so close I couldn't feel an inch of my body that wasn't touching the warm body of Jake. It was then that I realized that there was a large blanket around us and it was making me feel too hot. I pulled it off while still staying connected with Jake's lips. A cold breeze fell over my body once the blanket had reached the floor; I'd forgotten I was wearing a thin t-shirt and underwear tonight. I felt naked all of a sudden, like I had in my dream. This time it didn't seem weird, it felt amazing actually. It was then that I realized Jake didn't have a shirt on. I was a little nervous at that, there was only a thing layer of clothing stopping us from skin on skin contact.

I loosened my grip from his hair and instead moved down towards his shoulders and arms. I felt the urge to memorize every part of him. His arms felt strong and muscular and I wanted them around me. As if on cue he wrapped his arms tightly around me. I was now even closer to his perfect chest and I could feel the way his back muscles tightened as his arms fell around me. I felt Jake's hand around my thigh as he pulled it up around his waist.

I let out a sigh because it felt good. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I knew it was something to do with the vampires being gone. It was then that it really hit me that Jake was wearing loose sweatpants, no shirt and I was only wearing underwear and a loose t-shirt. I also clued into the fact that my leg was wrapped around his waist with his hand on my thigh. My hands were on his chest but not pushing away, almost clutching, trying to get a grip so they could pull him in tighter. It was so intimate and even though I loved it I felt like I'd regret it if things went any further. I wasn't ready to stop kissing though. That was okay, I mean we'd kissed before. Not like this of course but still, a kiss is a kiss.

I was about to stop when I realized that after the leg hitch he hadn't made other 'moves' which made me _very _happy. It's like we were apart of the same mind, as if we knew exactly what the other wanted and supplied it. It's like he realized how close I wanted to be before I even knew it.

We kissed for what seemed like hours before we broke apart and just lay there. My leg was around his waist and my head cradled in his chest. There was so much of him he could pretty much embrace every part of me.

Soon enough I could hear him snoring which made me happy. I didn't like it when Jake was running around and being exhausted. It worried me that he wouldn't be alert and ready to go when he was needed most. I took the time to study his face. My eyes had adjusted to the darkness and the moon was shining directly on his face.

His mouth hung open slightly as he inhaled and exhaled. His eyeballs moved under his lids as he dreamed. I reached out to stroke one eye and he didn't even stir. His skin was so soft. It looked black and white in the darkness but the moon was casting shadows here and there. I stroked his cheekbones and then went down to his jaw. His jaw looked as if it had been chiseled from stone. He clenched and unclenched a couple times and then swallowed and shifted in his sleep. I stared at his face and what he was doing in his sleep for a very long time.

After a while I got tired myself. I was stiff from staying still so I shifted until my back was being pressed into his chest. I felt his arms constrict comfortably around me in his sleep and I smiled. It felt so natural to be with him in my bed in his warm embrace.

I glanced over at the clock and looked at the time. A large 3:47 AM flashed in bright red numbers at me. It was nice to get lost in something again. Jake was my new rock. He kept me sane in all of this. It was then that I knew that Jake and I were meant for each together. That he would carry me when I could no longer walk and that there wasn't anything that could get in our way, not anymore. It felt right and I was happy, surely that was all that mattered?

As I wandered in and out of sleep I couldn't get the look in Jake's eyes when he looked at me out of my head. I couldn't even explain the emotion that I had felt at that moment. I wanted him to look at me like that all the time. I snuggled a little more wanting sleep to come so I could dream of his face and his eyes and his perfect back.

I was so close to sleep when I heard him mumble beside me. I'd never taken Jake as a sleep talker but here he was muttering incoherently. I caught my name and bit my lip to fight from laughing.

"Bella…Bella…I think I…imprinted on you…"

**(I do love my cliffhangers ******** please review.) **


	20. Family

**20 **

**(I'll answer the unanswered in the chapter so do not worry)**

The next morning I woke up to an empty bed. It was 9:00 and I was glad I actually slept in for once. I was also very sad that a body wasn't lying next to me. A warm body in fact. Oh well, I'd just call him and we could hang out. I had school the next day meaning that it'd be harder for Jake and I to see each other. He usually brought homework here or I brought it there but it was more difficult because I didn't have all day to prepare for Charlie. Speaking of Charlie…

"Dad?" I called once I'd gotten downstairs. I saw a sticky note on the fridge,

_Bells, out fishing, gonna be a GREAT day! _

I glanced outside and could see the sun peaking through the clouds in some areas. Maybe we could go to the beach again, that would be amazing. And then we could bring Angela and Ben, I'm sure she'd be glad for the opportunity to be with him _and _I'd be keeping my promise to stay friends with her.

The shrill ring of my telephone made me jump out of my reverie and I walked slowly to retrieve it. "Hello?"

"I'm coming over." Jake's voice was clear and to the point. It worried me slightly.

"Everything okay? It's not the--," I swallowed, "vampires?"

"No. I'll see you soon." He hung up. I frowned and placed the phone down as well. I was trying to ignore the little voice in my head that wanted to discuss the vampires. Was it true that my—they came back? That they came back and, why? Did they want to see me? No way. They would've just come. That's when it hit me. _Was _it _my _vampires? If so why would they go to the werewolves? It was all so confusing. Why would they even come back? They abandoned _me, _they had no right coming back here. It surprised me when anger welled up inside of me. I decided I was in good enough shape to question Jake about exactly what was going on. I was too shocked last night to say anything or ask any questions but now I was angry and wanted answers.

Last night.

I was really starting to like Jacob and it terrified me but enthralled me at the same time. We hadn't done anything huge, just kissed but even so I'd never been so intimate with another that way. I was overwhelmed with the thought of him coming over tonight and us doing it again. Just kissing and holding each other and then sleeping and him leaving in the morning. Charlie wouldn't know and it made me extremely excited just thinking about it. It felt reckless to be with Jake. I felt not childish, just brave and courageous. The feelings I'd had before, about us being better off as friends vanished. There was _no _way anyone could feel this way about a friend.

The loud knocking on the door woke me from my reverie. I had been sitting on my bed listening to music death cab for cutie in the background. I went downstairs slowly trying to keep my feet under control. I opened the door and smiled.

"Hi," Jake's voice said huskily.

"Hey," I said shyly. I wondered why I felt shy all of a sudden, "are you okay?" I asked noticing the worry lines on his face.

"I don't know if I should tell you or not." I was worried now. I invited him in and we sat down on my couch.

"Can I ask you a question first?" I said taking his hands lightly in my mine. He looked grateful for the subject change and nodded.

"The vampires, who were they?" It was easier to get out then I thought it would be.

"What do you mean? Don't you know?" Jake looked at me with a puzzled expression.

"Oh well I thought it was—you know…" I mumbled trailing off.

"No! It wasn't—them, it was this girl and guy!" I swallowed loudly. I'd thought for sure it had been them, not some random nomads. I sighed in relief.

"Yeah, the girl had this _crazy _red hair and the guy well," he chuckled, "he's gone." My head snapped up and I was immediately back into the conversation.

"Red hair?" I asked clearly.

"Yeah."

"Oh my god. It's Victoria. She's here!" I jumped from the couch and started pacing, feeling the need to be doing something rather then sitting and doing nothing.

"Woah, Bella relax! It's okay, we killed the dude and I'm pretty sure the girl won't be back for a while and when she does come, _if _she does, we'll be more then ready. Come here," he coaxed me into his arms and I immediately closed myself off into my warm cocoon. I cuddled into his arms and we sat there for a while.

Victoria? And the other must've been Laurent, I didn't dwell too long on the fact that he was dead.

"So wait, what did you call her? And who is she?"

"Her name is Victoria and—well," I dove into my story and explained everything to Jake from the beginning. I left out as much as I could concerning others but was able to get the meaning across.

"So that's why she's here…" I looked into Jacob's eyes and saw that he was thinking about something carefully, "Sam should know about this." He snapped out of his daze and looked at me, "come on, you should come too."

"Wait, what? Come where?" I asked bewildered and reluctant. Jake smiled at me and then took my hand.

Somehow or another I ended up in my truck with Jake beside me holding my hand. We were going to this 'Sam' person's house and I was not very happy about it. "Turn right here," Jake directed. I followed his instructions and soon enough we were outside a cabin in the woods.

"Ready?"

"No." I grumbled.

"Aw, c'mon Bells, it's no big deal! Just the guys! Now come on, don't embarrass me now."

"Fine, but I'm not pleased about this you know."

"If you really don't want to go we don't have to, we can just hop back into your truck and drive somewhere else, maybe the beach and just be there all day and do nothing." He said it so sincerely and as much as I wanted to do it, I also wanted to help Jake because I didn't like Victoria being around, especially so close to me _or _close to Jake.

We walked in holding hands and I remained _very _close to Jake's side. I didn't want to be alone without Jake. "Hey Jake! BELLA! Nice of you to drop in!" I looked over and saw Embry grinning towards us. I smiled tentatively. I looked around the tiny cottage and saw large bodies littered all over. A couple of them were watching football on TV and others were scattered on the floor. I noticed Quil sitting on the couch glaring at the TV as another friend was cheering. A team must've scored a point I realized glancing at the tv to see screaming fans. I looked to the right and saw Sam and a pretty girl with awful looking scars on her face. I was filled with pity but thought it impolite to stare.

"Sam, if I could see you for a moment." Jake made to let go of my hand but I gripped it firmly and stared at him pleading. "Don't leave me." I mouthed. He smiled and pulled me along with him so we could talk to Sam.

"This is Sam, Sam, Bella. Anyway," Jake dove right into the story, "And that's why she's here. She's here to avenge her mate by killing Bella. Won't do much seeing how--," he stopped and coughed awkwardly. I shuffled on my feet and looked at Sam. He was thinking very hard. "I see, well at least now we know who to protect," he said turning to me, "thank you Bella, this is quite helpful." He turned and went back to the girl and held her. The way he was looking at her made me uncomfortable. I felt like we were all intruding on something private. I looked away.

"NO! UGH!"

"YEAH! WOO HOO! YOU OWE ME TWENTY BUCKS!"

"IT'S NOT OVER YET!"

"Oh come on Quil, they're up 3 touchdowns in the fourth quarter with 4 minutes to go. Green bay's got this game." Quil was mumbling at the screen while the other boy, who I learned was named Paul was grinning from ear to ear. I was sitting on the ground in between Jakes legs as he leaned up on the couch. I wasn't interested in the game at all but just sitting her and feeling the overwhelming happiness and friendship that was surrounding all these boys was addicting. Paul and Quil were constantly egging each other on and I couldn't help but laugh at all the jokes. Sam and Emily (the pretty girl) were just watching over everyone. There was also a boy named Jared who was quiet but also very funny. It was weird in the way that they all were so different yet their russet coloured skin and heights of over 6 feet made them so similar.

"Lunch!" All the boys' heads snapped up and they leapt for the door, and by leapt I mean took a couple steps to reach it. They ran outside and sat at the picnic table. Emily passed out chicken and salads and bread and a pitcher of water. It all looked fresh and delicious. I didn't sit down, I still felt a little awkward. I could tell that some were a bit hesitant of me being around. Quil and Embry were fine, but the way I would catch Paul and Jared looking at me made me uneasy. I didn't think they wanted me here. It all made sense really, I mean looking around at everyone it was true, I _didn't _belong. They all had the beautiful tanned skin and black hair while I was white as snow.

"Bella, sit down!" I saw Quil smiling goofily at me and I couldn't help but smile back as he motioned for me to sit in between him and Embry.

My stomach was growling with hunger and I soon joined the hands that were diving for the sandwiches and bowls of salad. As I looked across the table I met Jake's eyes and for a split second I really felt like I could fit in here. Just as long as Jake was with me I felt like I belonged.

**Please Review. **


	21. Love

**21**

**I hope everyone is still enjoying the story and not getting bored. I have some ideas I'll be introducing SOON as in NOW.**

"Imprinting means what!?" I said trying not to laugh but failing miserably. Jake was describing Sam and Emily's relationship.

"Aw c'mon Bells, don't laugh! This is _really _important." The way his eyes pleaded made me stop.

"Sorry, so it's like—what wild animals do?" I said keeping the rising giggle inside this time.

"Sort of, in human terms it's basically love at first sight. It's just—like there isn't anyone else in the entire world that could fill the spot that person, in this case, Emily, filled for Sam. They're soul mates and the love they share is—I don't know how to explain."

"Well that makes more sense to me. I remember seeing the way he stared at her! It was so—familiar in a way but I can't place it! It was so--,"

"Like this?" And then looking into Jake's eyes the puzzle piece clicked as I realized why this was so important.

"Oh." Yup, that was all I managed after Jake had pretty much proclaimed he had fallen in love with me at first sight. He didn't say anything. In fact he shifted away slightly from me.

The places his body had been touching now felt cold and lonely and I realized that I couldn't go on with out him. Even though I wasn't ready to completely give my entire self to him I was close and getting closer each day.

I moved closer to him and kissed him. I didn't say I love you back because I wanted to mean it. I wanted to mean it with my entire body and mind and I didn't yet. And even though he knew it I knew he didn't mind because we had all the time in the world.

We were sitting in Jake's garage on the ground drinking warm sodas and just holding hands and talking when we heard a car pull up at the house. I looked to Jake confused and he shrugged his shoulders. We walked back up the path and I was met my a beautiful girl with black pin straight hair down to her waist. I could feel my mouth drop and also the absence of Jake's hand in mine as he ran to the stranger to hug her. They both had the exact same electric smile that was so big it blinded you.

"J! I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW HUGE YOU ARE JESUS!"

"SMARTIE! Wow! YOU'RE STILL TINY AS EVER!" Did they need to shout? Was it _really _necessary? And his name was 'J' now? And Smartie? They had nicknames for each other. Like Bells. Like boyfriend and girlfriend have nicknames for each other.

I felt a strange feeling come up within me, somewhere between hot bile in my throat and just pure anger making me clench and unclench my teeth and hands. I recognized this as 'jealousy'. I hadn't felt jealous in a long time and it drove me crazy.

What made it worse was the fact that I was standing off to the side to much of a coward to go and say anything so I must've looked very stupid. But why wasn't Jake, sorry, 'J' saying anything? Why wasn't he introducing me to his beautiful ex who had long black hair and a _beautiful _smile full of perfect white teeth and a perfect exotic looking body and face. I was so filled with jealousy and anger that I began to walk towards my truck. Yeah right I was going to sit and witness they're reunion. Who did she think she was anyway coming--, "Bells? Where you going?" I heard Jake call from behind me.

"I'm tired and I have to cook for Charlie. Call me later." _Or don't_, I mumbled once I'd reached the safety of my truck.

I was just pulling the car into drive when I noticed the girl was looking at me. The _beautiful_ girl I might add. But there was no Jacob beside her. That's when I noticed the door beside me fly open and Jake's face appear inches from mine. "Bye beautiful." He whispered before kissing me passionately goodbye. I was too shocked to speak. When I look back at the girl to gloat I caught sight of her vanishing into the house. _Showed her! _I thought.

"Come back tonight! We'll all have dinner." That brought me back from my vision of Jealous Smartie-Girl to Jacob wanting us all to get along.

"What?" I muttered narrowing my eyes.

"We'll all have dinner here. Billy will definitely cook something special because Smartie's here." He sounded so happy and it only made me more furious.

"Sounds great." I snapped icily. Jake looked taken aback but it frustrated me to no end to see how confused he looked. How could he not realize that it'll be akward to have his ex girlfriend and his _real _girlfriend together under one roof! Especially when I was nowhere close to being as pretty as she was! I couldn't even imagine her when she walked! Her hips probably swayed like she was dancing—oh my god. Imagine her _dancing!_ I felt a lump rise in my throat at the thought of her dancing—with Jake—while I sat on the sidelines attempting to stand upright without falling flat on my face.

"Bells? Hey!" I snapped back to his pleading face.

"I've got to go. Bye." I put the car in drive signaling the end of the conversation. His brow furrowed and I fought the need to reach out and caress his face and kiss him all better.

He got out of the car without another word.

I pulled up to my driveway, parked, got out went inside. Cooked a quick dinner, ate in silence and went upstairs. Charlie noticed something was up but didn't pry. I lay on my bed and popped in a CD in my music player. I let the music flood my ears.

I was on the 12th song when I realized that I was being stupid. I was being childish. I knew Jake cared for me—in fact I knew Jake _loved _me. I knew that some old ex girlfriend wouldn't change anything and I was being immature. She might be beautiful and perfect but _I _was the one he'd fallen in love with. _I _was the one he'd taken to meet his 'family'. _I _was the one who just a few nights ago shared something—so crazy and so like teenagers should act. I'd been closer with him then any other person. Or so I hoped. The thought of him touching her made me angry but I cooled down because in the end I couldn't _imagine _them together. Something was definitely off between them. They seemed like old friends not exes. As I relived the moments and kisses I'd shared with Jacob it was a no brainer. I had screwed things up.

I jumped up and ripped the earphones out of my ear, which I instantly regretted because it was _very _painful. I ran downstairs and back into my truck shouting a quick goodbye before slamming the front door shut.

I raced down the streets and was outside Jake's house. I knocked on the door with such purpose and determination that I was feeling very good. Those good feelings vanished quickly when Smartie opened the door with a huge smile on her face. "Hi!" She said brightly. I struggled not to punch her in the face. She was probably feeling so superior because she had all this time to catch up with J while I sat on my ass and listened to music.

"Hey," I said nonchalantly, "is Jake around?"

"J!" She called into the house. She walked away as Jake rounded the corner and I couldn't help but stare after her perfect body. She was wearing a tight fitting white tank top that brought out her olive skin tone and black short shorts that didn't make her look slutty rather just comfy looking and athletic with toned legs. God I was such a loser. I looked down at myself wearing faded jeans and a huge black rain jacket. My hair was knotted and frizzy beneath my hood.

Jake came outside and closed the door behind him. He was wearing black sweatpants and a t-shirt and I felt a wave of—what was it? I moved toward him and wrapped my arms around him apologizing. He shh-ed me and kissed the top of my head. "I'm being stupid and jealous and I don't want to be it's just so hard!"

"Why? I don't understand what happened?" My eyes narrowed again and I backed off.

"Seriously Jake? 'Smartie' over here shows up all perfect and beautiful and you're all happy to see her and now apparently your name is 'J' and she's probably and old girlfriend and how could I _not _be jealous!" I said it all in one breath and let out a huge huff of air. I glanced up nervously to see Jake grinning. He reached down and took my face between his two hands, "Bella, Smartie is just a nickname and so is J. We grew up together sweetie." He kissed me lightly and I was trying to find words but his close proximity made it quite impossible.

"But it doesn't change the fact that you were together!" I finally said. Jake's smile grew larger after that comment.

"Bella--,"

"And why do you call her Smartie? It's because she's smart right? Probably smarter then me! She just has it all then doesn't she? Smart, pretty, perfect! She probably plays sports and goes to an Ivy League school and--,"

"She's my sister Bella!" He said before I could say something else. I was taken aback by that. Of course. It all made sense now. She had the same skin tone and glossy hair and huge smile. They looked so alike now that I thought of it. "Oh my god. Oh my god that's so embarrassing!" I said. Jake's smile was huge and mine began to grow too. "Oh my god I'm so stupid! How dare you let me go on for that long!" I said starting to giggle now.

"It was too entertaining to stop right away."

"Jerk!" I said playfully punching his arm. Jake put his arm around me and brought me inside.

I loved how I'd given him all this shit and he still managed to be blissfully happy. He only seemed really relieved. Like the thought that he'd almost lost me wouldn't be awful to him. Unbearable. Insufferable. I was starting to understand more and more that maybe the way Jake felt about me was exactly how I felt about him. The thought of loosing him today, especially over something so stupid scared me. The same words, unbearable and insufferable had come to my head at the thought of being alone again. The more I thought about Jake as, my—boyfriend, the more it seemed to fit perfectly into my life. I was still not normal, no way close seeing how I was dating a werewolf but the way Jake made me feel could only be one thing.

I'd fallen in love all over again.


	22. Runaway

**22**

**(Hope you all enjoyed the last chapter and enjoy the many to come)**

So it turned out that Rachel was actually _really _nice.

She was super funny and even though her and Jake had a ton of inside jokes from when they were kids I never really felt "out" of it or not included.

"So Bella, I hear that you dated a Cullen?" I froze. Scratch everything on her being nice.

"Rachel!?" Jacob and Billy exclaimed at the same time.

"What! Just want to know the competition J has! Geez!" I still didn't know what to say, my mouth wasn't functioning properly. A silence elapsed over the table.

How could I be in love with Jacob but still not be able to talk about the Cullens? It made me upset and I was ashamed for being so weak. This hurt Jake too.

"Yeah, I dated him a while back. They left town though." I said quietly. I'd been there for a couple hours now and I thought it would be a suitable time to get up and leave. "It was great meeting you Rachel but I gotta go. I have to—wake up early." I mumbled. I stood up clumsily almost falling along with the chair that I knocked over. I picked it up hastily and walked to the front door without anymore accidents. I grabbed my jacket and lurched the door open and ran into the cold night air.

The cold spray of rain hit me hard and I squinted in the dark in search for my truck. Glancing around was scary. It was a new moon making the area around pitch black. It was hard to look at the world as some naïve and safe place after you'd been through what I had. Everything wasn't as it seemed nowadays.

I finally located my car and left the rising voices I heard from within the cabin. I wasn't mad just embarrassed. It wasn't Rachel's fault, she had no idea. To her the Cullen's were the 'bad guys' and she was probably just wondering what the deal was. She didn't know about vampires or werewolves I was sure.

"Bella!" I heard a voice call out. I turned around and saw Jake leap from his porch and head in the wrong direction. It seemed his eyes hadn't adjusted yet. "Jake! Over here!" I said walking towards him. It was a funny sight to seem him all awkward and blind.

I caught up behind him just as he turned and slammed into me. "Oouch!" I moaned as I felt to the hard ground. He quickly scrambled to pick me up. "Sorry." He muttered.

"It's alright, I'm gonna go." I said lamely. I was still huddled close to his warm body not wanting to leave.

"I'll see you tonight?" He asked. I allowed that thought to swish around in my head and realized I quite liked the sound of it.

"Yeah, I'll see you then." I kissed him on the lips teasingly and pulled away leaving him alone in the darkness as I maneuvered my way back to the truck. I smiled to myself as he waved goodbye.

* * *

I had gotten home late and quickly showered. Charlie was already asleep. I smelt delicious I knew but I was puzzling over what to wear. I couldn't believe how giddy and excited it made me feel that Jake was coming over. It was exhilarating sneaking behind Charlie even though we weren't doing anything. Or—I shocked myself with the thought of actually doing something so—huge. Even for only a second I'd actually considered—did I want to? I think my head was saying no but my body was definitely all for the idea of getting_ very _close with Jake. I did love him I knew that but I figured I should probably wait until the idea or mention of the Cullen's didn't make me cringe.

I recalled how I felt when I thought they were dead. I'd actually felt relieved almost. The thought that they'd come back and then been hunted by the wolves made me curious to know why they'd returned but the fact that I didn't have to worry about them anymore actually made me feel free. That scared me and excited me at the same time. I never wanted to feel happy or relieved at the death of another yet maybe I was getting closer and closer to pretending it all had never happened. I wanted to move on so bad. When Rachel had said the names out loud it seemed like an entirely different situation. I felt the distant pain and the cringe that followed yet I'd still been able to find my voice right? It seemed that when it came to 'out loud' conversations I was a little hesitant but in my head I'd mastered the form of saying their names and picturing them. No one but myself could get hurt inside my head. On the outside everyone was affected like Charlie or Jacob. I didn't want to hurt them anymore and it sucked that I was too weak to deal with it on the outside yet.

I heard Jake throwing rocks at my window and I giggled as I crept to the door. How cliché.

"Hi!" I hissed down and saw his brilliant smile light up the night. "Front door or window?"

"I'll take the front door please." He said laughing quietly. As I closed the door I swore I heard something move in the shadows of the woods but ignored the thought. As I crept downstairs avoiding all creaky spots and such a I couldn't help the butterflies that were fluttering around my stomach and creeping into my throat. It was getting harder to swallow and my palms were getting clammy from anticipation.

I decided on wearing short shorts that Angela had bought me as a joke along with a large black t-shirt. I looked cute and my hair was straight but wasn't just hanging there flat. I looked good and that made me even more confident. It was nice to actually try and be pretty for someone.

I open the door ajar at a time and finally after too much time I was lying in my bed in Jacob's arms. He was stroking my hair with one hand and had the other wrapped tightly around my waist pulling me close to his body. We weren't talking but it wasn't uncomfortable or awkward. We hadn't even kissed yet which made me annoyed. I want to be close to him but he seemed a little distant so I didn't push it.

"Bella you know I love you right?"

"Of course I know." I whispered afraid where this was going.

"Because—well, I want you to know that I'm able to wait. We have all the time in the world and I don't need to rush you or anything. I don't—well, I know how awkward and weird that was at dinner. I don't _ever_ want you to feel like—well that you have to be strong or anything for me. It hurts me, yeah, to see you still attached to him but—well we have a lot of time and I'm fine here okay, I just want you to feel whatever you feel and never worry about me because I love you and that's all you need to know." When he finished I felt tears spring my eyes. How did he know how I was feeling? He knew _exactly _what I'd been thinking about an hour earlier. I shifted my weight until I was close to his face and kissed him quickly on the nose. "Jacob Black you're pretty great you know that?" He smiled and closed the space between us and we finally kissed.

Before I really understood what was going on we were _really _kissing and I was pulling at his shirt. He was shrugging it off and we were only apart for a second while he pulled it over his head. I was surprised he was even wearing a shirt. I felt more comfortable with it off, he was always running around half naked anyway. The muscles tensed and loosened as he moved slightly. I wasn't even nervous when my shirt ended up tossed on the floor. It wasn't going any further but it was still humiliating when Charlie opened the door.

"DAD!" I screamed. Jake yelped and rolled off the bed. He grabbed his shirt and threw it on only to find out it was mine he'd picked up. I buried my face in my hands as the light flicked on. I had the comforter wrapped around my body and I was trying to avoid imagining Charlie's purple face staring at us incredulously. "You have 1 minute to get the hell off my property young man. Or so help my God I will get my gun."

Jake ran.


	23. It's Okay

**23**

**(So it has been absolutely forever since I've updated and I'm sincerely sorry for that! But it's a Snow Day here and I've decided to write. Sorry again for the wait. Enjoy)**

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.

Why did he do that? Why did Charlie's face have to be purple and why did he keep opening his mouth as if to say something and then shut it quickly. Where there really no words to describe what he'd saw? Was it _that _bad?

I think that's a yes.

"Look, Dad--," he held up his finger. I shut up. I was still sitting on my bed wrapped in the comforter. I'd managed to grab Jake's shirt and throw it on seeing as how he was miles away by now wearing _my _shirt. My face was still in my hands and I was rocking slightly side to side. It was too hard to look at Charlie's face. I never really did anything bad, this was a first…I didn't understand how he was so — shocked? Was I really _that _good of a daughter that'd he never expect this from me?

We had been in this awkward faze for about 6 minutes. I was counting in my head too. Jake had bolted and I knew he was sorry to leave me alone but, well, Charlie was pissed.

I let out a quiet sigh because I had been holding my breath too long. I'd done that a couple times. It was much easier to think without the air going in and out of my lungs.

"I don't---it's just---Bella I---," he stopped again. At least now words were coming out from his mouth. I didn't even bother trying to speak again.

"Do you know—I feel like—well," he hesitated but carried on this time, "no more, I think you and Jake should stop hanging out." The words hung in the air like ticking time bombs. I froze. I couldn't move. I couldn't think. I just looked at Charlie. When he finally had the nerve to look back at me I saw his eyes widen and his face blanch. "Uh—well—not for--," he was stuttering again. Something in my face must've screwed him up again. What had he seen in there?

"Maybe you should go see your mother for a while." He said not daring to look at me. His tone of voice was a demand, not a suggestion. I was moving away. I was leaving Forks. The tears of rage or even sadness that I expected to come did not. They stayed at bay. Instead I felt another emotion crawling towards me. Or rather from inside me. It wasn't even an emotion at that. I just felt numbness creeping from the depths of my heart to the corners of every crevice within me. I was alone. I was numb.

I looked up a Charlie again. He wasn't looking at me. "I'll call her in the morning," he muttered as he left the room closing the door behind me.

I became very aware of everything around me. Especially the fact that I was completely alone.

* * *

"She can't come to phone, sorry," I heard Charlie mutter into the phone for the tenth time that day it seemed. I was still holed up in my room. I was packing. I was moving at least. Better then last time. I was moving to Jacksonville, I was leaving Forks. "Bella, are you ready?" In answer I simply grabbed my bags and trudged out of my room and down the stairs. I stalked out of the house almost tripping and falling on the walk. I regained my balance and walked to the car and deposited my bags.

I didn't even look back once at the house as we drove away from my home.

"Bye kiddo!" Charlie said trying to be happy. I nodded my head in his general direction I hoped as I turned to board my flight. I wasn't mad at Charlie. I wasn't mad because he kicked me out. I wasn't mad at René for just taking me back no questions asked. I wasn't mad the two of them arranged this whole mess. I was just simply put, completely numb. I didn't feel anything. I didn't think my body could take all this stoppage of circulation anymore. My heart was barely hanging on.

I looked back this time as I waited for the people in front of me to finish getting their passports checked. I saw Charlie's face as he held back some emotion. Typical Charlie trying to be strong. It seemed he was as bad a pretender as I was.

I saw something in the corner of my eye. A large lithe figure with russet brown skin. My eyes widened slightly as I saw Jacob come barreling toward me. My Jacob. "BELLA!" I heard him shout. I smiled. Jake didn't care if it was embarrassing. He didn't care that he looked like a fool as he launched himself across luggage and kneeling kids. The cry of my name had brought attention and Charlie was already moving to get closer.

"Bella—hi." Jake said breathing out in relief, "I—where are you going?"

"Jacksonville. How did you know I was here?"

"Charlie let slip to Billy and then my old man let slip to me." I looked around for Charlie and saw him caught behind a luggage train as he tried to come towards me. "I'm just so happy I didn't miss you. Why are you leaving?" The hurt in his eyes made all of this unbearable.

"Charlie said it'd be better. I'm living with my mom." I said flatly. His hurt was reflected in my eyes now for sure. I hadn't even noticed that he'd taken my hand but he had. "Excuse me, miss? Passport?" I ignored the lady at the desk who scoffed and waved the next person up.

"Come live with me. Who cares, just, you can't leave. I can't handle that. Please don't leave me." His eyes were pleading and in that moment I was ready to jump off a building for him. I would throw myself into ongoing traffic for him. I'd leap from a moving plane all for Jake. The thought of all of these things I would willingly do for him made simply running off to his house a very easy thing to do.

I nodded my head fervently and a huge grin broke across my face. My grin appeared on his face too as he grabbed one of my bags. We were just walking away when a hand grabbed my forearm. Hard. "Bella." I turned my still grinning face and saw Charlie. Red faced as usual. My face fell slightly. I'd forgotten he was still here. Forcing me to do something I didn't want to do. Feeling crept back into my body. My hand was still holding Jake's, death gripping it now actually. He wasn't leaving me this time.

I felt a blush of anger colour my cheeks. I felt the tears of rage finally prick my eyes. "No." Was all I said. He hadn't let go of my arm therefore making it very hard to leave. "Get on the plane. You're living with your mother for a bit. Please Bella. I can't handle you right now." I felt like I'd been slapped. Punched in the gut and left for the dead. I relaxed from my angry stance of defiance. I was just hurt now. My own father couldn't handle me. He couldn't stand to stick around and take care of me. Instead he just simply wished to ship me off to my mother who would only make things worse.

"You don't want me?" Those words shocked me by their familiarity. I'd never forgotten that previous conversation. Charlie dropped his hand and I could see his mind trying to figure out how to phrase this properly. I didn't want to hear it. "Why is everyone set on hurting me?" I whispered. Charlie's face softened and he stepped forward to hug me but I backed up. "No." I took a step back in Jacob's large frame and hid there.

"Bella, please, be reasonable." He said just as quietly. He stepped forward and reached for me.

"Don't touch me." I hissed through my tightly clenched teeth. He dropped his arms, stung. I looked at Jake whose face was the mask. The mask I hated and for a brief second I thought he was looking at me this way. But he was glaring at Charlie. He grabbed my other bag and then took me away with him.

Once we were inside Jacob's car we sat there motionless. Jake still had the mask on and I was just staring out the front windshield. "How—why—If—how _dare_--," Jake stuttered searching for the right words. I didn't understand what was wrong. "How dare he _ever _treat you like that? How?" The mask, the glare at Charlie. It was all for me. He was furious at Charlie. I was so touched by how protective he was of me. Jacob loved me.

Jake was shaking and I instinctively searched for his hand and held it tight. These moments didn't even scare me anymore. I knew he would _never _put me in danger. The shaking was slowly but not quickly enough. I turned to him and cupped his face with my hand as I kissed him gently. "Thank you." I whispered quietly. He turned to face me and we just stared at each other.

He was calm and I was still falling down a swirling hurricane of miserable emotions. I knew now how much easier being numb was to handle. _Handle._ Charlie didn't want me. The tears came now. They fell over my eyes and down my cheeks and soon I was sobbing and shaking and somehow I was now cradled in Jake's arms. He was holding me and just repeating it's okay over and over. It's okay. It's okay. It's going to be okay.

**(Please Review.) **


	24. I want to Stay

**(My GREATEST apologies for this long wait. SO SO SOOOO SORRY! Enjoy)**

**24**

"Come on Jake! You know this is a bad idea!" I heard Billy's voice say. The three of them were trying to whisper but it wasn't working. I could hear everything through the paper thin walls.

"Dad, please. She can't go back to the Charlie and I—I can't let her go to her mom."

"Jake, she's like—you're girlfriend though. I never got to bring Tim in here."

"Shut up Rachel, you and Tim had been dating for a week and you broke up with him two days later."

"So? I still wanted him to move in. We we're going to get married at the time!"

"RACHEL! YOU WERE SEVEN!"

"Jake stop yelling. Rachel stop being--,"

"Come on Jake, lighten up! Stop being so grouchy! When I left you weren't this much of an--,"

"For someone nicknamed Smartie you sure are a dumbass!"

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT YOUR TRAPS BEFORE I SHUT THEM FOR YOU!" Billy growled. The room went silent. I let out a breath I'd been holding.

They continued to murmur but this time much quieter. I couldn't really hear anything anymore. I caught glimpses but it didn't sound good. In that moment I felt terrible. I'd caused this family so much trouble already and I was only making it worse. I heard each of their voice's take turns rising slightly in anger as they tried to express their opinions.

I got up quickly and searched for my suitcase as quietly as I could. I wasn't sure exactly how I'd get home but for now it was better for me to leave the house. I grabbed my suitcases and tiptoed outside. I thought I was home free when suddenly I lost my footing and tripped over one of my suitcases. I flew forward and stumbled to the ground skidding slightly on the gravel.

"Ow," I mumbled rubbing the feeling back to my wrists that were now scraped up. I could feel blood trickling down my leg but I didn't dare pull up my jean leg to look. I couldn't pass out now. I was on a mission. I grabbed my suitcases and began to walk.

"Bella?" I cringed and turned toward the Black house. No one was there. I whirled around to face forward again. "Quil? What're you doing here?" I asked and immediately regretted it. He deserved to be here more then _I _did. He was pretty much family, they were a _pack_. "I was just stopping in to see Smartie, I heard she was back in town and I haven't had a chance to say hi yet. What are you doing here?" Of course he called her Smartie

"Um—well—I wouldn't go in there just yet, I've stirred up a lot of drama as usual." I said grumpily. I was so tired of causing people around me pain and distress.

"Oh, well, I'm sure it's not bad and I'm sure it's not your fault. Here, leave your bags and we can go walk to the beach until they're done talking, okay?" Quil didn't wait for my answer but instead began to walk towards the beach. I knew he realized I didn't have anywhere to go anyway. I glanced down at my ripped palms and tried to ignore my leg that was still stinging slightly. I sighed and dropped my bags as I made my way towards the beach as well.

"Billy is a really nice guy, don't worry, he'll let you stay. Plus, Smartie is really good at convincing Billy to do what she wants." Quil said sympathetically. I'd pulled my jeans up and Quil was gracefully cleaning up my cut with a Kleenex he had in his pocket. I was grateful that I didn't have to look at it. I was actually lying on my back staring at the gray sky while he worked away on my knee.

"Well what if she doesn't want me here? It didn't sound like she was leaning in my favor." I mumbled. I was sitting on the beach and Quil sat a few feet away from me. We faced the water and away from each other. It was weird, I wasn't really _friends _with Quil yet he was a comfortable presence and talking to him wasn't hard.

"Bella, Rach and Jake are—I don't know, while they were growing up they were really close. Rebecca wasn't too bad either but, I don't know what it was. Jake and Rachel just fit together, they were _really _close and Rachel always looked out for him. She'll be on your side because Jake's on your side." Quil glanced over at me and smiled goofily, "Besides, it's not even a big deal! You can just go live with your mom right? I mean you won't be _homeless_, and plus I'm sure Charlie will take you back with open arms! Come on, lighten up!" He punched my arm playfully. I forced a smile. I didn't want to lighten up. I wanted Jacob to hug me and tell me everything's okay again. I was tired of being let down but most of all I was tired of people giving up on me. I felt like no one really wanted me.

"Quil? Bella? What are you both doing down there?" We both looked up towards the Black's house. Rachel was coming down the walkway. She was sporting a black tank top and florescent pink shorts. She looked beautiful. "SMARTIE!" Quil shouted getting up. Smartie flew into his arms and they started talking and laughing and catching up. I awkwardly took this as my cue to ditch and began to walk back up to the house. Where the heck was I going to go now?

"Hi," thankfully Jake greeted me at the top of the hill.

"Hey." I said trying to be cheerful. If I wasn't allowed to stay I wouldn't show it to Jake. At the thought of _not _being able to stay I realized how much that would suck. I'd already imagined sleeping on the couch and waking up and being able to see Jake right away. We could go to the beach or just stay inside and watch TV…I sighed on the inside just thinking of how easy it would be.

"Why is your stuff outside?" I looked over at my bags thrown on the ground messily. I blushed instantly. Oops, should've hid those or something.

"I thought I should leave." I said casting my eyes downward.

"Aw Bells c'mere." He brought me to his chest and breathing in his scent I was home. "You're allowed to stay." He muttered into my hair. I felt the 20 pound weight lift from my shoulders and I threw myself into the hug. "It's going to be awesome!" I heard myself say rather enthusiastically. I blushed with embarrassment, I sounded like a four year old.

"I know right?" He laughed his booming laugh and I smiled contently and snuggled closer to him. This was going to be a good thing. I had a good feeling.

"WHAT! No way! She's such a slut! With Cory, Mitch, Nick, Nathan _and_ Lucas!? I can't say I'm surprised, I'm telling you, her name must be slut in some other language…" Rachel had been talking to this girl on the phone for 1 hour and 23 minutes. I knew because I was staring at the digital clock beside me through blood shot eyes no doubt. I hadn't gotten any sleep the night before due to the waves of tears that wouldn't stop. "Betty seriously though, you're too good for him! Just—I know it's not that easy, but you're a beautiful strong independent women and you don't need him!" I was trying _really _hard not to gag. I thought Rachel was a more mature older kind of sister but I was strongly mistaken. She was acting like some 15 year old in high school. It was 2:47am and I was exhausted. I couldn't sleep because it seemed that every time I began to doze off Betty said something _so _shocking it caused for a round of squeals and hysterics. I wasn't sure how Jake and Billy were sleeping through it.

It was decided that I sleep on the cot in Rachel's old room. Since Rachel had moved back in however, it was squished and claustrophobic feeling. My suitcases were under my cot and I hadn't even attempted to unpack in fear my clothes would get shunned by Rachel's. My neutrals and boring clothes were pathetic compared to Rachel's itty bitty shorts and bright colour tank tops.

I sighed quietly and got up removing the covers noisily. I was grumpy and annoyed and _frustrated _at how completely oblivious Rachel was. "Oh crap! Bella I didn't even know you were awake! Sorry, I'll try and—NO WAY! Ugh! I miss home so much! Tell me exactly how it happened!" Apology _not _accepted Rachel thank you very much! She'd already forgotten I existed so I took that as my cue to get up and leave the room. She didn't ask where I was going but I didn't really have an answer for her anyway.

I creeped around the little house but that didn't take very long due to its small size. I was more awake now and going outside seemed like an attractive solution. However it wasn't nearly as attractive as sneaking past Billy and Rachel's room and slithering under the sheets beside Jake. I waited until Rachel's voice was in squeal-y mode and then I tiptoed quickly towards Jake's room. I didn't make a sound and seeing how off balance I usually was I was very pleased.

I opened Jake's door ajar and slipped inside. He was snoring quietly and I contemplated letting him sleep. My selfish side took over though and I crawled into his bed and snuggled close to his chest. Rachel's voice was just a soft murmur which was nice. "Mmmm…" Jacob's voice mumbled.

"Hi." I said simply.

"Oh—hey!" He said fully awake now.

"Rachel's talking to her friend--,"

"Betty, I know. They've been best friends for years and she calls her constantly."

"I couldn't sleep." I felt like a little child crying to her parents after a bad nightmare. I liked how safe Jake made me feel. I was really hot so I extricated myself from his arms and took my sweatpants off. I was wearing cute underwear and saw Jake's eyes widen briefly. "No, I'm not going through that again, I'm just hot. You're just _so _hot!" I joked. He flashed a grin and pulled me back in his arms. "Mmm, much better." We lay there for a bit and I was starting to doze off. "So what's going to happen?"

"What do you mean?" I said lightly.

"Are you going to talk to Charlie?"

"I don't know yet." I whispered. I didn't want to talk to Charlie. I was still too angry.

"Bells I know you're angry and I know you don't want to talk to him but you should. He hasn't had to bring you up; he's not used to this. He's only ever seen this on TV. He doesn't know how to respond or react to this kind of situation."

"I hate when you read my mind--," I stopped and shivered slightly at the irony of that statement before I continued, "and I hate how you're always right. Stop it." I said trying to bring lightness back to the conversation.

"Try to ignore it Bella but it won't work, sorry dear." He kissed my forehead and started stroking my forehead. I closed my eyes and breathed in Jake's scent deeply. "You know what?" I murmured.

"What?" he said sleepily.

"I don't really care if we get caught again." I tilted my face up and kissed him gently. I felt him smiling through the kiss and smiled myself. We kissed some more and I realized that in that moment I was genuinely, utterly and completely happy. Every part of me was glowing and floating all because I was just here with Jacob and kissing his soft lips and touching his chest.

**(Please Review I know it's been a while and I miss all of you ********. )**


	25. I'm Ready

**25**

6:36 am. Not exactly sleeping in but it was better that I wake up early and sneak back to Rachel's room before anyone notices. I rolled over so I could give Jake a kiss but he was gone. I frowned and glanced around the tiny room. I was wearing an oversized t-shirt and I quickly grabbed my bra and sweatpants that I'd discarded on the floor last night. We hadn't done anything major, just kissing and sleeping and talking. It'd been a nice night.

I filed out of the room and into Rachel's where she was sleeping silently. The cordless phone was lying by her head and I had to laugh at that. The house was otherwise silent so I knew I was safe. Going back to sleep wasn't an option, once I was up, I was up. I searched in my suitcase for a book trying not to wake up Rachel and then scurried out of the room and out of the house. It was a beautiful morning. I could smell distant rain but it wasn't raining now and I decided to take advantage of that. It wasn't sunny but it wasn't boring and grey either so I took that as a good sign.

I looked down to the beach but realized it'd be too chilly and I didn't feel like being cold. A thought struck me, I hadn't been in Jake's shed in forever and the idea made happy shivers go up my spine. I raced quickly down the path falling twice, once on my wrists and the other time on my knees but I finally made it to the shed with only dirt to show for it.

I heard clanging and battering and then something being thrown against the shed that made a loud noise. I winced slightly wondering why Jacob was throwing things. I crept into the shed and saw him holding a screwdriver before quickly launching it at the shed wall. "JAKE!" I shouted as the screwdriver fell onto a pile of nails and bolts and everything went dancing onto the floor. He turned and looked at me and his mask was on. I couldn't understand why. "What's wrong?" I said concerned. I walked towards him and took his hands. He was shaking. Hard. "Jacob Black relax!" He continued to tremble and I looked up and tried to find his mouth but he turned sharply and nudged me off a little harshly. "What's wrong with you?" I snapped as I stumbled a little trying to regain my balance. "You! I—you just—can't you see?" He was hurting that was obvious. I had hurt Jacob and I didn't even know why. "Jake, please, are you okay? I don't know what I did." I took another step toward him and reached for his hand. He reluctantly let me hold it and I sighed in relief at the progress made. "Please Jake. I don't like when you hurt." I put my palm against his cheek and he leaned into slightly but I could tell he was torn. He opened his eyes suddenly and stared at me intensely. "Vampires." I winced and drew my hand back. "Cullens." I froze and felt my lip trembling. "Alice. Rosalie. Jasper. Emmet. Carlisle. Esme." With each name my heart thumped loudly in my ears. I had pulled my hands away from him and was holding my sides without even realizing. Holding myself together seemed so normal. "Victoria. James. Laurent." I frowned, James was dead. What was he talking about? I turned my tear filled eyes towards Jake. "_Edward_." He said slowly and surely. I closed my eyes and two single tears fell silently down my face. I was trembling slowly and my arms were turning white with how hard I was holding myself in one piece. "See, that's exactly it. That's why. Now you see." He stepped back and began to make his way to the exit. "Wait? What?" I whispered almost silently. I knew he'd heard. "I can't take that anymore Bella."

"Take _what_! Jake cut the bullshit I need some straight answers! Are the vampires back?" I hissed through clenched teeth.

"You'd like that wouldn't you? You'd like for everything to go back to normal? For me to go away would be worth it if you could have your stupid blood sucking buddies back wouldn't it?" I winced at his words. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. After all the progress we'd made together I thought we were past all this.

"Jake—we've talked about this. That part of my life is--,"

"YOU STILL DREAM ABOUT HIM BELLA!" He screamed. I cowered slightly as his shape blurred strongly. "You were repeating his name over and over and _over _last night. I can't fucking believe this. You still love him Bella. It's been so long! Why are you still in love with him when he left you? Why are you still in love with him when he's gone and isn't ever coming back? Why are you still in love with someone that hurt you this much! Why are you still in love with him when I'm crazy in love with you?" His voice cracked on the last words and I couldn't hold back my tears. They began to flow freely. How stupid of me. I was a stupid life ruiner and I wanted nothing more then to just be completely wiped off this face of the earth. "Every time you said his name I broke. I feel broken Bella. I need you in my life but I'm obviously not good enough for you. I can't take you wincing every time I say their names. I can't take you trembling at the thought of vampires returning here. I can't watch you wrap your arms around yourself every single god damn time you think about them. I can see you Bella, you have no idea how protective I feel of you. I notice when you're hurting. Every time you're sad and hurt it's because you're thinking of them. I can't stand when you cry. It hurts more then any physical pain I've ever felt." I'd completely forgotten how observant Jake was. How did this happen? How did I manage to completely screw up everything?

"Jake—I can't control what I say or feel in my dreams. I—I wish I could just make everything stop and go back and change what you heard but I can't. Jake you have no idea how happy you make me. I need you too! This isn't a one side battle where you're fighting for something. I'm fighting for you too. You just need to give me time Jacob. I can't just make that hurt go away because I was really hurting. My body has been broken beyond repair but you fixed it! Jake you saved my life. Please don't give up on me like everyone else." I was sobbing now. I was barely getting my words out but it was important that he knew how I felt and especially how he made me feel.

"But—it's so hard." His voice was getting softer.

"I know Jake I know—I—I'm going to try. Please don't leave me." I was pleading with him.

"Promise me. Promise me you're going to be with me." His voice was thick with tears he was trying to hide from me. He wanted me to move on from my past because it was so far away, and he wanted me to give myself to him.

I was ready. I was ready to move on, I might say Edwards name in my dreams but I was forcing myself through the obstacle and moving on with my life. I owed Jacob that and I owed myself that. It'd been too long and waiting around for something that wasn't coming back wasn't good for me or Jake or for anyone. I was finished with my old life. I was moving on. I was doing it for Jake and myself. I was ready. "I promise." I whispered taking Jake's face between my hands and standing on my tiptoes. "I think I'm in love you too Jacob Black." His eyes were still staring in the distance. He was still torn. "Jake what do I have to do. I—I don't know what to say. I'm ready to be with you Jake. I love you. I need you. You're not just my best friend anymore Jake. Kissing you is like magic. I feel like I'm floating every time you touch me. I feel a glow come over me when I see you walk into a room. You're smile lights up my world. You were my sun when I needed you then and you still are. My life revolves around you now. If you're unhappy so am I. If you want me to leave I will but I really don't want to leave you. Look at me, please." He finally turned his head and we locked eyes for a brief moment. "Okay." Was all he said. I smiled through my tears and reached up and kissed him on his mouth hard. He kissed me back and soon his fingers were twirled in my hair and my arms were flung around his neck gripping him for dear life. I couldn't lose him. I refused to lose Jacob. I forced our bodies closer together wishing I could do more to prove how insignificant I was without him.

When we broke apart I looked to my left and saw a half finish car with comfortable and spacious looking seats. "What's that?"

"Chevy Impala '68. A little project I've been working on." I then realized how I was going to tell Jacob how much he meant to me. It was early in the morning so I knew we wouldn't get interrupted. I took Jake's hand and maneuvered over to the car. I pulled him down on top of me and we started kissing again. I pulled his shirt off and he slipped mine off easily. I was looking at him and he realized what this meant. This wasn't just fooling around. This had meaning. This was special.

"Bella Swan, I'm in love with you."

"Jacob Black, I'm in love with you too."

**(Hope you liked it. Review Please.)**


	26. What's Best

**26**

**(I'm winding down and will be finishing up soon…I don't know how many more chapters but be ready for the unthinkable moihahahhaha)**

Other then the fact that it was in a greasy car shed, in an unfinished car without candles or music, it'd all actually been really perfect. I'd given everything to Jake. My entire body and soul and I trusted him with it entirely.

It always amazed me when Jacob, who's body was so big and muscular, could actually be so gentle and fragile. He'd been sweet and even though it had been both of our first times it didn't even feel awkward or strange or foreign. It had felt right.

His arm was wrapped around me keeping me warm and we'd found a cotton blanket in the car that we had wrapped around ourselves now to keep from being completely exposed. It felt so good to be this close to him. I actually felt like I was done with everything in the past. It felt so far away and distant, like it was another life. It felt childish and immature and that now, this was the real deal. This was my life now.

He kept kissing my head and stroking my arm and I kept catching him staring at me with that special look in his eye. He'd imprinted on me and I knew that we were forever. We we're meant to be together. Nothing could stop us now.

* * *

The next few days passed by quickly and I was happier then I'd ever been. Jake and I were attached at the hip. I hung out with Quil and Embry and became close with them, and even Smartie became a joy to be around. I was too happy to let anything annoy me or tick me off so I hoped I was fun to be around as well.

We'd sit around all day and watch TV or we'd all go to a beach on warm days or Smartie and I would talk on day the boys went out to do werewolf business or whatever it was they did. I actually spoke to Smartie and we talked about a lot of—well, issues. I hadn't brought up the past and I wasn't sure I was going to but it would've been nice to just talk about it to someone and get an opinion. I didn't think I ever would because if she talked to Jacob about it, he'd know that I was breaking my promise and I couldn't see him hurting again.

Besides, it wasn't even painful anymore. I was proud that I didn't wince at their names anymore, I merely froze a bit on the inside but it wasn't anything I couldn't hide easily. I was trying to keep onto their memories because in reality they were a big part of my life and I didn't want to forget them. I just wanted to remember them as a part of my life that's over. Like I moved away and all my friends stayed at home and you made references to them time and again but you didn't talk to them, or call them or hang out with them anymore. They were just your old friends.

"Bells!" Jake came in the door, Paul close on his heels, an enveloped me in a big hug. He picked me off the floor and twirled me around. I gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek. Every time I saw him I felt like a- I was going to explode and b- I was going to catch fire because every time he touched my skin it burned. "Alright you two, save the theatrics." Smartie came into the living room sporting a baby blue tank top and black short shorts. She must've had some sort of werewolf blood in her because I was wearing a big sweater I was so cold. "Hey Smartie, this is my friend Paul."

"Nice to meet you Paul," she said winking seductively. I rolled my eyes. I looked over at Paul who was standing awkwardly with the door still open with a funny look in his eye. "Oh my--," Jake started before Paul nudged him aside and leaned down to kiss Rachel's hand. "Hello, you're absolutely beautiful." Jake wolf whistled and starting howling and whooping. "Wait 'till Quil hears this!"

"Dude, shut up!" Paul shouted.

"We got another imprint! How exciting!" Jake was just trying to piss off Paul now, I could see that. I couldn't help but giggle along with him.

"Whatever Jake, you're such a tool."

"Oh Pauly, you're just jealous of how sexy a wolf I am."

"Yeah right!"

"Everyone thinks I'm the cutest." Jake batted his eyelashes and I burst out laughing. Paul glared over at me but I couldn't stop.

"Jake stop!" I said half laughing half serious.

"Yeah you'd listen to your stupid vampire loving girlfriend if you knew what's good for you." Paul snapped between clenched teeth. And there it was. My chance to show Jake that I was ready to move on with him. I didn't flinch or wince or wrap my arms around myself in fact, surprisingly it barely bugged me at all. I laughed in Paul's face, "It's weird…I'm pretty sure you say that _same _comeback _every time _you see me! I don't know, I guess I thought that by now your little brain could muster up something a _little _better." Smartie giggled quietly. I smirked at Paul's flabbergasted face, "nope? Nothing? Oh well, better luck next time Paul." I wiggled my fingers goodbye and walked over to Jacob. I grabbed his hand and pulled him outside. Might as well let the two future lovebirds have some alone time. Besides, I didn't want a Paul-Jacob pseudo fight breaking out.

"Want to go drive somewhere? Maybe you could buy me dinner and--," I turned and looked at Jake. His face was incredulous. His eyes wide, his mouth hung open. "What?" I said immediately self conscious. He didn't say anything; he instead pulled me into his embrace and leaned down to kiss me passionately on the mouth. His lips brushed gently against my jaw line while he murmured, "you're kind of amazing you know that?" he said rewording a phrase I'd said to him a while back. I smiled and went on my tiptoes to sneak a quick peck. I pulled away and ran towards my car. "Let's go Jake!"

"Where?" He said laughing as he followed me to my car.

"Anywhere."

* * *

"I only have enough for one movie Bells!"

"We'll be super sneaky and pay for one and sneak into another one. Come on, it'll be fun." I felt so carefree standing outside the cinema in Port Angeles trying to convince Jacob to be a rebel. I knew I was going to win the argument, I always did. He imprinted on me and even though I could ask anything of him and make him _do_ anything for me, I didn't want to. I didn't want what we had to change at all. I was walking in a cloud of utter bliss.

"Okay fine, let's do it!" he said grabbing my hand and hauling me into the theatre. I giggled quietly as we bought the tickets and figured out which two movies we could see for the price of one. He was reading the flashing screen that gave the movie times and I took this time to look at him. He really was perfect. And as I gazed down at myself, the torn jeans and messy hair I realized that we didn't seem to out of place. We looked normal and happy. I never doubted myself when I was with Jake, I never thought that I didn't deserve him. We just fit. "So we'll see the new action one and that is about 2 hours and then we can run to catch that comedy that Quil and Embry saw last week." He looked down at me and caught me staring at him. I blushed and looked away slightly embarrassed. He tightened his grip on my hand and as he leaned down to kiss my head, he whispered quietly in my ear, "You're perfect." As he drew back he raised our hands to trace my cheekbone. I grinned and pulled him into the action movie.

"I know—I know, it's just—okay and I understand that but--," Jake and I came stumbling into the house, or rather I did, to see Billy rubbing his forehead as he mumbled quietly to someone on the phone. _"Who is it?" _Jake mouthed to his dad. Billy glanced quickly at me and my smile vanished. "Yeah Charlie she's out with Jacob anyway—yeah I'm sure she will, I'll let her know—okay bye now." Billy hung up the phone and an awkward silence followed. "Don't like lying Bella." And with that he rolled away to his room.

I collapsed in the kitchen chair and rested my head in my hands. "I really should—I don't know." I mumbled. I felt Jake sit next to me and as he scooted closer so he could hold me I felt at home. "Bells, he's your dad and he's probably worried sick. I bet you he's not even mad anymore! He's definitely just regretting ever letting you go."

"Maybe, but—It's just really hard to have two people say they don't want you." I whispered. I wasn't going to deny the fact that Edward had completely destroyed me. I couldn't. It was a part of who I was and no matter how much I believed that it was just going to disappear it wasn't. With time maybe but for now it was still inside me. And on top of that to have my own father mutter the same words that destroyed me so long ago only added to the pain.

"Bella, listen. You're dad loves you. He was just caught up in the act of being the 'perfect' father and sometimes that happens. He was trying to do what was best for you. He was completely wrong mind you," he smirked, "but none the less he's still looking out for you. That's better then what the other case has provided for you." As these words sunk in I realized how right Jacob was. Edward had vanished and hadn't returned. He'd left me to rot away. When Charlie on the other hand, had called almost every night begging to talk to me and threatening to come 'beat down the door'. I smiled and reached over to grab the phone. I dialed the familiar number and while listening to the dial tone I traced Jake's lips and kissed them softly before I heard Charlie's voice ring through the phone. "Hello?" I burst into tears as I realized how much I'd missed my dad.

**(wow it's been a while. Sorry everyone and hope you enjoyed it. *review please* ******** )**


	27. Perfection

**28**

**(Enjoy.)**

"Stop." I said flatly. Jake shot me a sheepish smile.

"Stop what?"

"You _know _what! Don't make me feel more terrible about this then I already do." I was packing my clothes into my suitcases. It was obvious that since Charlie and I had our reunion I'd move back home. He'd called a week ago and since then we'd taken it slow with dinner, a movie and he even came over to the Black's house to watch TV a couple of times. Things felt back to normal but every so often I'd catch Jacob staring at me with a longing look. He seemed really unsure about the move.

It was flattering at first to see someone so distraught to see me go, but then after having reassured him over and over again and still no change it pained me. I didn't want _anything _to change. It was summer so I knew I'd have more then enough time to spend with him but what happened when school started up? I'd be so far from him that even the mere thought of not waking up to see him snoring softly, or the way I thought he'd break the kitchen chair every time he sat on it, or even watching him laugh at a stupid TV show and saying 'sure, sure' in that special way brought tears to my eyes.

"I'm not trying to make you feel terrible. I'm sorry Bells." And then he put on a brave face, a huge grin and ruffled my hair like I was a little kid. I half smiled unable to do the real thing.

"Jake, you know—this isn't going to change. _Anything_. It's less then a ten minute drive when my beast of a truck works properly! And come on. It's simple. We're simple. I love you and you love me. Nothing to it." Putting it into words seemed so easy. Jake nodded in agreement slowly.

"We did it before right?" He said looking at me hopefully.

"Of course we did! We'll be fine! Besides, what do you think? Mike's going to swoop in and take me away? In case you forgot, you kinda imprinted on me. I'm all yours Jacob Black." I said smiling a _real _smile this time. I liked the way it sounded. _'I'm all yours'._

"Welcome home Bella!" I literally was afraid Charlie's face might explode from how big his smile was. We'd talked about what he said. He'd been so close to crying that I knew he'd been suffering in my absence. He made a mistake and I did too and now everything was ordinary, back to normal and very simple.

"Thanks Dad!" I said smiling. Jake walked into the house behind me nodding in greeting towards Charlie's direction. Charlie and Jake had also had a sit down chat apologizing and forgiving and you know, the usual stuff. "You staying for dinner Jake?" Charlie asked, "Billy's coming over around 6ish. I'm going to pick him in about an hour so…"

"Yeah, that sounds great. I'll help Bella make dinner."

"Pfft! Who says _I'm _making dinner! That's all I ever did was cook at _your _house Jake!" I grinned.

"Well, unless you make something Bella, we're stuck eating Hungry Man, tonight."

I faked a terrified look, "Oh god…oh please no! Not Hungry Man!" I laughed and grabbed Jake's hand and led him to the kitchen. "We got it covered Charlie!"

"Let's make," Jake mumbled as he looked in the fridge, "geez, what's he been eating? He literally has _no _food." I walked over and gazed into the fridge. Beer, ketchup, butter, two eggs and an onion. I was positive I bought all of those things a _long _time. Well not the beer. Jacob and I looked at each other eyes with concern. "Maybe it is a good thing your back home." He whispered tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. "_You're_ my home Jake." We kissed quickly and then we decided it was definitely time to get groceries.

"Alright you two, don't burn the house down! I'll be back in a bit with Billy. See you soon." When the door slammed I turned the heat down on the stove and turned towards Jake who was setting the kitchen table. Suddenly the life we might have flashed before my eyes taking me by complete surprise. I saw myself cooking lasagna on a Thursday night while Jake was setting the table. And then I saw a little girl with pig tails and huge grin just like her dads but deep brown eyes just like me. She was holding a fork and knife asking where it went. I blinked and returned to reality. "You look like you've seen a ghost?" Jake questioned wrapping his arms around my waist. "Nope, something better." I mumbled into his chest.

He pulled away. "Here let's go unpack your things."

"Okay." We walked and grabbed my bags and brought them upstairs, "Oh I wonder if Smartie's going to come over too? We should have enough anyway…or should I go make the other chicken," I was rambling as I dropped my bags on the floor. I turned around and Jake was right there. I strained my neck as he leaned down to kiss me softly. My heart was beating uncontrollably just because his fingers grazed my cheek. I caught my breath when his lips touched my collarbone. I reached up to touch his face and trace his jaw line. He reached up for my hand and we both looked at our hands as they touched palm to palm. I was burning. I felt hot and cold, I felt happy and sad, it was beautiful and terrifying all at the same time. The world had simply stopped to allow this perfect moment to happen. As he laced his fingers around mine he took a step back and lay down on my bed. He looked exhausted as we sat down on the bed. We dozed off quickly. I wondered why we'd been so tired.

* * *

I woke up suddenly and looked toward the window. Nothing. I was breathing heavily but I was just being paranoid. I must've had a bad dream. I lay back down and glanced at the clock it'd only been 20 minutes. Charlie and Billy were due back any minute but I couldn't bring myself to get up. Jake was still breathing deeply beside me. I lay beside him and even though we weren't touching I could feel the heat coming off his body. I closed my eyes even though I knew I couldn't sleep. Subconsciously, Jake's hand twitched and I watched as he moved his hand closer to mine in his sleep. He wrapped my hand in his and smiling I kissed him on the cheek and shook him awake. "C'mon Jake! They'll be here any minute!" He woke with a start and sprung up from the bed. He was all tense. "What?" I asked shocked. He looked around the room quickly and then looked over at me. "Uhh, nothing, you scared me!" He grinned and then opened my bed room door just as we heard Charlie arrive home. I followed behind Jacob knowing that something was off in his smile.

"I'm old? Look at you Billy! Gray hair coming outta who knows what!"

"I might have gray hair but you're the one with Alzheimer's grandpa!"

"Oh please, it was_ one _time! Get over it." Billy and Charlie bickered back and forth like ten year olds. I could hear them struggling up the walkway as they tried to sucker punch one another. "Jake, dads are here!" I shouted up the stairs. Since we'd woken up he'd been acting funny. He was kind of jittery and he was running around the house crazily. A complete weirdo but I loved him anyway.

"I'm right here, barely left your side silly!" He said plopping a sloppy kiss on my cheek.

"Aww gross!" I laughed and nudged him away. Billy and Charlie came through the door there and I could've started crying all over again at the look on Charlie's face. He was so relieved that I was still at home; I could just tell by the way his entire body relaxed when he saw me. It felt good to be surrounded by people who loved me and cared for me.

"Dinner's ready," I said cheerily taking the chicken out of the oven. Everything smelled amazing.

Once everyone was seated at the table laughing, joking, and passing the food around I couldn't help but feel like I was in someone else's life. To have gone from a numb disaster to feeling this sense of complete and utter belonging all because of the person who at that moment was squeezing my hand seemed impossible. I looked over into Jake's eyes and smiled. He grinned back and in that moment I knew what complete perfection was. I was home.

"Jacob, honestly you're freaking me out!" I said still half joking. I figured he was just being a dork and pulling me leg. He had literally not stopping pacing for about 2 minutes now. He looked over at me and just grinned goofily. It reassured me but at the same time there were cracks in the smile and no matter how much he smiled and said he was just tired, or that the food wasn't sitting well with him, I was nervous. I tried to bury the nervousness because deep down I knew what was wrong and I didn't want to face it. It's always easier to pretend that something isn't real then to actually own up and take on the challenge. I knew I was strong enough to face it all but for right now, for this night and these moments of bliss I didn't want to have any problems or worries. I wanted to just be happy.

"Jake sit down please," when he ignored my request I tried again, "I'm c-c-old." I pretended to shiver slightly and within seconds I knew I'd succeeded.

"You're such a cheater," he muttered finding his way under my bed covers with me. He wrapped me up in his arms and I nuzzled into his chest. Charlie and Billy were safe downstairs watching a sports game so I didn't worry about anymore walk ins, I knew better then to think that Charlie would actually try and send me away again.

"So."

"What?"

"I need to step out for a bit and talk to the boys quickly. It won't take a second I swear I'll be right back Bella, I'll barely be gone in the first place." Jacob's voice sounded so sincere and concerned…it completely freaked me out to be honest.

"Jake relax, you've talked to them before I'll be fine I'll wait right here for you." I tried to smile all seductively but Jake looked too distracted to really notice.

"I'd rather you go wait down with Charlie and Billy. I'll be back in two seconds—I'll hardly leave your side okay beautiful?" he said brushing a stray hair back behind my ear.

"Dammit Jacob! If you're not going to tell me what the problem is then for gods sake stop acting like we're all going to die in two minutes! I'm trying to ignore how crazy you're being and you won't stop smiling and grinning and being all cheery whenever I asked what the stupid problem is and then you go all bipolar and flip to being all crazy and panicked! Stop it please you're scaring the shit out of me." I snapped. He looked back at me with sad eyes. He kissed me on the forehead and then popped open the window and jumped down. I groaned and rolled over on to the side facing away from the window.

Why couldn't I find a nice human boy? Or at least a semblance of a normal life that actually made sense. It was all too much to take and it made everything just seem out of my control all the time. Although, after all I had experienced I could never give it up. Even though my life wasn't even something someone could imagine in their wildest dreams, I wouldn't change it for anything. I stayed in my bed not giving into Jake's stupidity. It was probably nothing, just silly wolf drama. Oh god, _wolf drama_? What has become of my life?

* * *

"Bells, Bella—BELLA!" I woke with a jolt and saw Jacob's face looking at me. His face was contorted and a million emotions were flying across his features one at a time. It was all happening so quickly that I couldn't even tell which emotion was happening when. "What? I guess I dozed off, I'm sorry, what's wrong? Are you okay? Is everyone okay?" I was wide awake now and I was gripping onto Jake's arm for dear life. If something happened to any of the wolves—I shuddered. They'd all become like family, Forks, everything, Angela, Ben, Charlie, Billy, it was my entire home and the look of Jacob's face was telling me that something might be back to threaten all of it. "Bella—I have something to tell you." His face went blank then, empty of all emotion. I held my breath and urged him on with my eyes.

"It's the Cullens Bella, they're back."


	28. Holding On

**28**

**(Enjoyyyyy. It's Christmas Holidays hence me getting my crap together and working on this)**

I stopped breathing. I shook my head no. IT wasn't possible. _It would be like I never existed_. The voices I heard already made that a lie but now he'd actually come back? All of them? For a second I was angry. Murderously angry. How dare they come back after all this time? What did they think would happen now? The summer meant no school so what were the chances of us even running into each other? Seeing Carlisle was a possibility granted, if he was back working at the hospital. "Please. Please Bella don't leave me. I don't know—I don't know how I can—just please." I'd almost forgotten Jake was beside me. His face was twisted with sadness and fear and he refused to look up into my eyes. It simply broke me.

"Hey. Hey Jacob Black look at _me_." He lifted his head reluctantly and I grabbed hold of his chin. "It's me and you. That's all there is to it. Just me, just you. Us." I pulled him in and kissed him gently. His eyes were filled with tears but I had too much rage building in my chest to truly cry. I needed to go see them. I needed to go and—and—I didn't even know. Did I need to go? Did I need to drive over and scream until my lungs burst and make them all feel the pain I felt for months? Was it even worth it? Was it worth stirring up more problems when everything was so perfect and blissful at the moment. I had a new boyfriend who was more loyal then I could ever have asked for and we loved each other and would never leave each other. I would runaway with Jacob in a second if he needed it. I'd do anything for him like he'd do anything for me. To compare it to Edward was impossible. With Jake I had carefree and childish behavior. I had someone who I was completely myself with and someone who I didn't have to hold anything back from. With Edward there was constant tension and disagreements and the thoughts of forever even though I had wanted it so bad now just terrified me. At the possibility of staying human but still being with someone I was so in love with, going back seemed ridiculous. I didn't need to see them. Alice. Jasper. Emmett. Rosalie. Esme. Carlise. Edward. They all together broke my hearts, they allowed it to happen. They were beautiful and I still believed that they had souls and that they were incredible beings with strong hearts and minds but I didn't owe them anything nor did they owe me anything. They had been a huge chapter of my life but in truth I just wanted it to end.

"I love you Bella Swan."

"I love you Jacob Black." He held me in my bed and as Billy and Charlie's laughter floated up to my room I smiled to myself. Charlie was so oblivious to the world around him. "So what the hell are we going to do now?" I joked lightly. Jacob just tightened his grip around me. "We'll figure something out."

"Well maybe there isn't anything _to _figure out. I mean they do their thing we do our thing? There is still a lot of time before school starts up so we won't be seeing them or anything. Let's just forget they even came here." I suggested. And even as Jake agreed with me we both knew how lame that was. Obviously the return of the Cullen's was going to screw up everything.

* * *

"Okay I'll call you later today? Love you." I kissed Jake goodbye the next morning and waved as Billy and Jacob took off. Charlie and Billy had ended up getting way too drunk last night and had to stay the night which was fine by me. They had fallen asleep on the couch completely unaware of the fact that their kids were upstairs sleeping in the same bed. Or rather trying to sleep. I was very aware of the fact that I had huge bags beneath my eyes. Sleeping had been hard last night for both of us. We mostly just sat awake and talked about anything but the huge elephant in the room. Now that Jake was gone I felt cold and lonely. Charlie smiled sheepishly at me as he turned around and went back upstairs to his bed. I laughed quietly. My dad drunk, what a trooper. I sighed and followed him upstairs and stepped into the bathroom avoiding my face in the mirror.

* * *

After showering and putting on jeans and a black zip up I tiptoed outside my dads room only to hear him snoring loudly. I smiled and went downstairs to make cereal. I'd gotten through about three bites of Cinnamon Toast Crunch when I heard gravel crackling outside. A car for sure but who's? I looked around the kitchen and saw Billy's cell phone lying on a chair. I laughed and picked it up. I opened the door with a huge grin, "Forgot something?" instead of the weathered russet skin of Billy Black I was instead greeted by the pale cold beautiful face of Edward Cullen. "Bella," he murmured so softly I barely caught the word. It felt so weird to hear my name on his lips after all this time. I tried to find words but anger was throbbing in my temples and all the way to my fingertips I feared I'd say something I'd regret. We stood in silence for a while. It wasn't even awkward we just had nothing to say. He leaned in quickly then and took me up in a hug. The phone was ringing in my house but I didn't bother getting it. I closed the front door not willing to let him into my home. "Come walk with me?" He asked.

"Absolutely not." I snapped surprising myself. He looked taken aback. "I haven't had the best of times in those woods." I said thinly. I couldn't believe how much anger I had. Under all the pain all this heat was waiting to emerge. Waiting for someone to last it out on. "Bella—I don't even know what to say."

"Why did you come back?"

"Because I have been doing _nothing _but thinking about this."

"What is _this_?"

"Us. You. Me. My family, we love you Bella. And what I have done to you is unforgivable and I never expect you to forgive me I just—I needed to tell you why." And there it was. The big apology. It was pretty and sincere I could tell that but in no way could it make up for the months I was dead to the world.

"Edward…please understand that what you did completely broke me. It broke this. After all this time I know you did it to protect me because you thought you loved me but in reality danger found me anyway and if you wanted to protect and love me you should've been there. I have waited for months and when you get to the point where you stop waiting for someone or something to happen you know that it's over. I've reached that point and I love you but this all has to end. You and your family are incredible and I will never regret meeting you all but I can't." His beautiful face was frowning and creased with desperation. "Bella—I would never hurt you like that _ever _again. Never. You would come away with us, my family, you would _be _my family. We'd run and be forever and we could get back to the way things were before I had to make the worst decision of my life."

"I can't run away Edward! Forks is my home. You've been gone, you have _no _idea what has been happening since you left! No idea! I've changed and forever isn't what I want. I want humanity and love and the experiences that I can't have with you and I am _truly _sorry for that."

"I have been here! I have seen you! I have watched you I have seen what I have done and I want it to change. At the market. You were with the stupid dog buying who knows what. I was watching. That night you woke up terrified you saw me. You thought you were dreaming but I was there. I was that close to you. I have missed you--,"

"He is _not _stupid. He is not a stupid dog his name is Jacob and I love him. So screw you for watching us be happy. Screw you for leaving and coming back. And fuck you for thinking that you run this place and you can do whatever you want!" My voice was rising and I was getting closer to Edward and my face was red and I could barely breathe the anger was so intense, "_You _left _me_. You broke everything. You ruined everything. I gave you all that I had and I wanted everything with you. We were for real we were done with all the drama and all the stupid high school people, none of that mattered because we were forever. You left and destroyed me. You do _not _destroy the people you love. I don't care what excuse you have it's for nothing. You coming back was for nothing. I'm done." I turned on my heel and was making my way back up the stairs to my house when his cold grip grabbed my arm and pulled me back. "I left for you Bella. Do you understand?" He tightened his grip and I widened my eyes in fear. His eyes, I hadn't noticed…they weren't topaz, they were black. Completely black. "Edward let go you're hurting me. Your eyes are black don't do something you'll regret."

"Bella you have this pull—you have no idea. I can't be away from you anymore. I need you."

"That is not for you to decide now let go of me." I pulled and yanked but he didn't budge. He was tightening and tightening and my blood was throbbing beneath his fingers. Before I knew what was happening he was crouched like a predator and he pulled me in and grabbed my neck. His teeth had touched my neck and he pierced the skin just enough so that blood began to leak through. I started screaming and pulling only making the skin tear even more. Only causing myself more pain. "EDWARD! EDWARD! STOP!" I screamed and screamed knowing no one could save me. No one could understand. I was getting dizzy. I could barely fight back. I couldn't stop screaming although it was only coming off as a silent cry. I started to collapse my legs giving out. "BELLA!" A shape blurred in my vision and Edward was thrown off of me. I lay passed out on the ground and as I breathed in the grass and dirt I watched as Jacob phased and Edward crouched ready to pounce. The two were fighting. Teeth snapping spit flying and all I could do was hang on. I'm hanging on for you Jake. I love you I love you I love…I'm trying…I'm holding on…I love you I love you I love you.

(review.)


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